Lean Into The Wind
by piratewench78
Summary: A sequel of sorts to "If Something Should Happen", about Deacon moving on to the next phase of his life without Rayna.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Several reviewers of 'If Something Should Happen' asked for a story about Deacon and Haley, so this is the start of that. I'd love to know if you like the idea or not and, if you do, what you'd like to see. I know this won't be for everybody, but if you're open to it, we'll see how it goes. Future chapters depend on interest. Special thanks to Rachel Wilder for the encouragement._

* * *

 _Though nostalgia is fine  
I respectfully decline  
to spend my future living in the past_

 _\- No, Thank You by Don Henley_

All the way home he berated himself. Kept pounding on the steering wheel. _Damn!_ He couldn't stop playing it over and over again in his head. He thought what he had planned was on point. Maddie and Daphne had approved. He had made reservations for the second show at The Listening Room, dinner and a songwriters round. The perfect first date for songwriters, was what he thought. And it was. He had picked her up at her cozy little East Nashville bungalow. They had gone to the Frothy Monkey first for coffee and then walked to the venue. They had talked about songwriting and their careers, nothing particularly personal. And then he had taken her home. And, after walking her up to her front porch, he had shaken her hand.

He hit the steering wheel again. _So lame._ He could hear Daphne's voice telling him that. Not that he would tell his daughter about his date, but she would roll her eyes and be so disappointed, he knew. Of course, most of his first dates had been only dates. And most of them had ended in bed. He'd only had two serious girlfriends since he'd met Rayna, and neither of those relationships had ended well. He figured this little experiment was over, which was really too bad, because he liked Haley. She seemed like someone he could enjoy being with.

* * *

The next morning, he was drinking coffee when Daphne came downstairs. She went to the fridge and got out some yogurt and then sat down at the counter. "How was the date, Dad?" she asked.

He frowned. "I don't think it went as well as you were hoping," he said, knowing he sounded cranky.

"What did you do?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Why do you assume _I_ did something?"

She smirked. "Because Haley seems perfectly lovely and normal and not like someone who'd screw up a date. So that's why." Then she shrugged. "And because it's been a while since you've been on a date."

He frowned. "Well, it looks like it'll be longer before I do it again." Just then his phone buzzed with a text. He looked over and his eyes widened in surprise. It was from Haley. _Enjoyed our first date. Hope it won't be the last._

Daphne leaned towards him. "Is that from her?" she asked.

He picked up the phone and stuck it in his pocket, then frowned at her. "I don't have to tell you everything."

She sat back and smiled. "I bet she had a better time than you thought, huh?"

He rolled his eyes at her and turned back to the coffee maker. "Maybe," he said, not looking at her at all. Then he smiled to himself.

* * *

He took her out for a second time a week later. He made reservations at a quiet restaurant so they would have a chance to talk. She asked him to pick her up early, so he did.

He and Rayna had never really dated, in the strict sense of the word. He had kissed her the first time when he was still dating someone else and then the time they spent together was always after he gave her a guitar lesson or they wrote together or performed at the same open mic. Six months after he met her, her father kicked her out of the house, and she moved in with him.

As he had reminded himself, all his other first dates or one dates had usually ended up in bed. He didn't like to think that about himself, that he'd only been after sex, but the reality was that sex helped him forget, at least in the moment, that he didn't have Rayna.

But now Rayna really was gone and he wasn't just waiting for her anymore and, besides, it was time, as his daughters had told him and as he'd known himself. He had finally decided he was ready to try this relationship thing again. He really believed, deep in his heart, that it was what Rayna would want for him, not to wallow in it, not to live his life following a ghost. And he _was_ lonely. He'd finally admitted that to himself and that was when he'd finally let himself be open to the idea of someone else.

So he stood on her porch, his heart pounding, thinking he sucked at this and that maybe he should just turn around and leave. But then he realized that would be impolite, to stand her up. And then he wondered why she had asked him to come early. Thirty minutes really wasn't enough time for sex. Or maybe it was. Seemed like that first time with Stacy, that was supposed to be lunch, turned into a quickie…pretty quick. He felt embarrassed when he thought about that, assuming it was all about sex. And then he considered that Maddie and Daphne would be embarrassed that he was just standing on this porch, acting like an idiot. So he reached out and knocked.

Haley opened the door, a smile on her face. "Hey, Deacon," she said. "Come on in." It made him a little nervous, but he did as she asked. He didn't want her to know he really wasn't good at dating.

He smiled back and walked in. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Kiss her? Hug her? The moment went on too long and so he did nothing, which he thought probably wasn't right either. He turned to look at her. "How's it going?" he asked and then he wanted a big hole to open up that he could just drop into.

She laughed. "Good. And you?"

He nodded. "Good."

She gestured towards a club chair in her living room. "Have a seat," she said. "Would you like some tea?"

He headed for the chair. "Yeah, tea would be great," he said, as he sat down. At least that felt like the right answer.

When she came back with the tea, she perched on the couch and set her glass on the coffee table. She leaned forward a little. "So, I'm guessing when we went out before that it was your first date since Rayna died," she said.

He swallowed hard. "How'd you know?" he asked, and then he shook his head. "I know. When I shook your hand."

She laughed. "Actually that part was fine. First dates are always so awkward anyway, it's hard to know what the right thing is to do at the end. But no, the reason I asked is that it just seemed like it might have been. A couple times when I looked at you I could see how conflicted you were." He felt bad then, that he'd been a bad date. She shook her head. "It's okay. It's always kind of hard to put yourself out there in the beginning, when a relationship ends. No matter how that happens."

He nodded then. "It _is_ hard."

She looked down at her hands for a minute, then back up at him. "You know, I've lived in Nashville a long time and I certainly wasn't blind to what went on in this town. Everyone knew you and Rayna were meant to be together. And I know it had to have been devastating to lose her. And hard to get back out there." She smiled. "I enjoy your company and we can take things as slow as you like. I just wanted you to know that."

He sat forward in his chair and breathed out, rubbing his hands over his face. Then he looked up at her. "So it wasn't the worst first date you ever had?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nope. What it was, was a perfectly awkward first date. Emphasis on perfect." She smiled. "I wouldn't have accepted a second date with you, or solicited one, in fact, if it had been the worst." She sat back then. "So, we've got a few minutes until we need to leave, so why don't you tell me all about your girls."

* * *

The second date definitely went better than the first. He told her about Maddie and Daphne, their music, the things they liked and didn't like. He told her about their Christmas trip to Florida, leaving out the reason why, and about the making of their duet album. She then talked to him about what she was working on and with whom, what songs had been selected by which artists, and about her path to songwriting. After her initial reference to Rayna, he had stayed away from that, as had she. Even though he had felt ready to step out into the dating world, he wasn't really ready to talk about Rayna.

He found out she was forty-five. They decided that, at fifty-three, their age difference was not significant. She told him about growing up in West Texas and her family – parents plus two older brothers, an older sister, and a younger sister. He gave her a very high level overview of his own family, focusing mostly on Scarlett. They compared notes about coming to Nashville – him when he was seventeen and her when she was thirty.

When he dropped her off this time, he hugged her at the door, and they made plans for the following weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I appreciate the positive words and those of you who are willing to go on this journey with me. While I understand there are those who don't want Rayna to be gone, I'm a realist, and I think there's lots of interesting story that can be told going forward._

After she'd closed the door, Haley leaned back on it and breathed out. She couldn't help but feel like she had just failed at dating. She'd had a perfectly nice time. He had seemed a little uncomfortable, but she supposed it had everything to do with the fact that she wasn't Rayna Jaymes. And then he'd shaken her hand. She sighed.

She was pretty sure Deacon Claybourne hadn't been on a date since his wife died. She'd never dated a widower before but she was certainly familiar with the Rayna Jaymes/Deacon Claybourne love story. That they'd been together, in one form or fashion, for almost thirty years. That was a long time. A lot of history to work through, even five years after Rayna's tragic death.

She pushed away from the door and walked towards the kitchen. She filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil. She opened a cabinet and got out a mug, then added a bag of Sleepytime tea. Then she sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the water to boil.

She remembered when the news had hit about Rayna Jaymes' car accident. The reporters, as ghoulish as always, had been sure to also report on the accident she'd been in just a few years prior, the one she'd been in with Deacon. She remembered that too, although not as clearly anymore.

Five years ago, the news had initially been better. Rayna had sustained serious injuries, but was conscious and expected to fully recover. And then, less than twenty-four hours later, she was gone. Her death had sent shockwaves through Nashville, through the country music community. Rayna was young – Haley contemplated the fact that she was now the same age Rayna had been when she died – with two young daughters and a husband of less than a year. She had a record label and was well-respected in the local music industry. She was one of those people whom everyone seemed to admire, for her kindness and integrity and generosity.

Haley had been at the CMT awards that year and watched as Rayna's daughters and Deacon sang their moving tribute to her memory. She had been one of those who had not been able to hold back tears. The three of them, standing on that stage, had looked devastated, and her heart had broken for all of them.

The tea kettle started to whistle and she got up and poured the boiling water into her mug. She pulled open a drawer to get a spoon and then took it all back to the kitchen table to let the tea steep.

She thought back to when she'd met Deacon at the TJ Martell dinner. She could feel his eyes on her and, when she turned to look at him, she'd felt a little quiver of…something. Something about him had looked familiar. She had introduced herself, because it would have been rude not to, and then understood why he'd looked familiar when he'd told her who he was. She'd told him the truth – he _was_ talked about in songwriter circles. He'd been out of the game for a while, but the rumor had been that he was testing the waters again. He'd only ever written songs by himself or with Rayna, so it was huge news that he was putting himself out there again.

She'd seen that shadow cross his face when she'd mentioned Rayna, purely in passing. He hadn't been over her then, that was clear. When he had gotten up to follow Nancy Allen, she had watched him. When he was out of her view, she had let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It had taken a few minutes for her heart to stop beating so fast. She had recognized that he wasn't ready then and eventually she'd put him out of her mind.

She lifted the tea bag from her mug and set it on a napkin. She added sugar and stirred it, then took a sip. Truth was, she had not been ready then either for a relationship. She had just ended a relationship with an overly controlling man, one she'd stayed in far longer than she should have. In fact, the week after she had been at the TJ Martell event, she had taken a six month sabbatical from Nashville and songwriting and had gone home to Lubbock, Texas. She had spent the six months on her parents' ranch, riding horses and helping her dad with chores. It had helped to clear her head. Sitting outside at night, on the back porch with her parents, looking at the clear black sky and all the twinkling stars, had put order back into her life. And had resulted in a notebook full of songs she brought back with her to Nashville.

She held her mug in both hands and rested her elbows on the table, sipping her tea. A smile played across her lips as she thought again about the fact that, when Deacon dropped her off not even a half hour ago, he'd shaken her hand. _Poor guy. He's probably kicking himself all the way home._ Not that she expected anything else. She would have been surprised at a kiss, although a peck on the cheek would have been okay. Anything else would probably have turned her off, made her think he was just looking to get laid. But he was perfectly awkward and, in that moment, she had found him adorable.

Maybe she hadn't failed after all.

* * *

She sat up in bed. It was still a little early and the tea hadn't done its job yet, so she opened the magazine that she kept on the bedside table. But it laid across her lap, unread, as she thought back on the date itself.

When she had asked her manager to pass along her contact information to Deacon Claybourne, it wasn't for him to ask her out. She'd heard he was open to co-writing again and she had been intrigued. Nothing had developed on that front, but she'd been surprised and excited when he'd invited her to be in his writers' round. That a date had resulted from it had delighted her, but also made her nervous. Following behind someone like Rayna Jaymes was no small matter. The fact that he'd been awkward and nervous had actually made it easier.

He'd suggested the Listening Room, which seemed like the perfect date night for a couple of songwriters. The truth was, she loved going to writers' nights, getting a chance to listen to songwriters she might not have known and many whom she did. But it had also meant not a lot of opportunity to talk and get to know each other, which was probably part of why it seemed so…not natural. Her instincts told her he was just rusty, unsure of himself and probably a little conflicted.

She leaned back against her pillow. He was a damn handsome man, with his gorgeous blue eyes that crinkled up when he smiled. He had kind of a shy smile, which made him endearing. He was tall, which she liked, and he dressed nice. He was wearing a pair of dark jeans, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a black patterned vest. And properly scuffed up boots. She wondered if his daughters had dressed him. He was polite, opening doors for her, ever so gently touching her back to lead her, once they were inside the venue. A perfect gentleman, her mother would have said.

She sighed, as she started to feel sleepy. The handshake either meant he hadn't been impressed or that he didn't know what to do. If she didn't make a move, she guessed there wouldn't be a second date. And if she was wrong, and he wasn't that interested in her, then she'd still never hear from him again. She'd send him a text in the morning. Something light, breezy. Having made up her mind, she turned out the bedside lamp and slid down on the bed, closing her eyes and falling asleep.

* * *

When her phone rang the next morning, she had just gotten out of the parking lot at her publishing house for a songwriting session. She was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Deacon. She instantly had that little tingly feeling and then had to caution herself that it might mean nothing. "Hey," she said, when she picked up.

"Hey," he responded. She couldn't decide his tone and just waited to see what he might say. He cleared his throat. "So, uh, you'd like to get together again?"

She smiled on her end. "Yes. I would."

"Okay, so, uh, next weekend?"

"That sounds great."

She could hear him breathe out. "Okay, great," he said. "I'll figure something out and let you know then."

"Look forward to it." When they disconnected, she twirled around, almost like she was a teenager, and smiled to herself. Then she gave a little fist pump and walked towards the building.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dad! Dad! Where are you?"

Deacon heard Maddie's voice and got up and walked to the door of the music room. "Back here, Maddie," he called out.

She rounded the corner and smiled, running into his embrace. "I'm so glad to see you," she said, as she hugged him.

He smiled at her and patted her cheek. "This is a surprise. I didn't expect to see _you_."

She shrugged. "I needed to come home and take care of a couple wedding related things," she said. "We had a couple days off, so I thought I'd make a quick trip to Nashville." She linked her arm through his and they walked back into the music room and sat down on the couch. "So Daphne told me you have a girlfriend," she said, a broad grin on her face.

He raised his eyebrows. "What?"

She nodded. "Yeah. That lady from the writers' round, she said." She smiled. "So tell me all about her."

He frowned. "First of all, she ain't a girlfriend. We only gone out twice. And second of all, well, she ain't a girlfriend."

She made a face. "Maybe not yet," she said, winking at him.

"Why are you two so hell bent on this? Do you want me to just forget about your mama?" he asked. It felt odd, talking to his girls about dating and stuff, plus he still wasn't completely sure how comfortable he felt with the whole idea of dating again.

Her face fell. "No, of course not, Dad," she said softly. "We just, well, we _worry_ about you. We want you to be happy." She sighed. "I think Mom would want that too." She crossed her arms over her chest and sat back against the arm of the couch. "What would you have said to her, if Aunt Beverly hadn't come through with the liver transplant? Would you have told her to just mourn you for the rest of her life?"

He frowned. "That ain't the same thing."

She looked confused. "Um, yeah, it is." She leaned forward and put a hand on his arm. "Dad, it's okay to go out with someone. I thought you liked her."

He breathed in. "I _do_ like her. But, it's just dating right now, Maddie. I ain't ready for a _girlfriend_." It was hard to think past just the idea of dating. He really had thought there would never be anyone else in his life except Rayna, and trying to figure out what that meant in this new normal was confusing.

Maddie sat back. "Okay," she said. "I won't push."

He breathed out. "Thank you, baby." He tried smiling at her. "Now, will you tell me how your tour is going so far?"

* * *

After he got his coffee, he walked over to the table and took the chair opposite Scarlett. "Hey, girl," he said.

"Hey, yourself," she said with a smile, as he settled in. "So I hear you're dating someone."

He widened his eyes. "Seriously? Are those girls calling every damn body in town?"

She laughed, her tinkly little laugh. "Stop it, you old fool," she said. "They're just happy for you."

He shook his head. "You don't think that's just a little, I don't know, weird or something? Pushing your father to _date_?"

She frowned. "No. I don't. 'Specially when their father would probably just live in his dark little world for the rest of his damn fool life."

"I don't live in a dark little world," he grumbled.

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, really?" He gave her a warning look. She sighed. "Look. I know Rayna was the love of your life. But she's gone, Deacon, and I don't think she'd want you to live like a hermit."

He scowled. "You don't know."

"Yes, I do know." She reached across the table and put her hand on his. "She would be happy you're doing this. She would not want you to be alone. Because you and alone just don't work well together and she knew that better than pretty much anybody." He looked away. "The girls told me she's a really nice lady," she said, her voice gentler.

He looked back at her. "She is. Which is probably why she shouldn't get mixed up with someone like me."

Scarlett rolled her eyes. "Tell me about her."

Deacon frowned. "She's a songwriter. Her name is…."

She waved her hand in front of his face. "I know _that_. She's Haley McLaughlin, the songwriter. How old is she?"

He huffed. "Forty-five."

"She ever been married?"

"Yes."

"Kids?"

He paused. "I don't think so."

She raised her eyebrows. "You didn't ask?"

He frowned. "I told her about Maddie and Daphne. If she'd had kids, I'm sure she'd have shared."

She smiled. "Well, she don't, just in case you think it might be important to know. Where's she from?"

"Texas." He was feeling grouchy now. He had enough of this at home. He didn't need Scarlett bugging him too. "So I don't want to talk about this no more, okay?" he said, with a frown. "If this was the only reason you wanted to get coffee, I got better things to do."

She sat back and sighed. "Okay, then." She took a sip of her tea. "So have you decided on the next date? What y'all are gonna do?"

He frowned. "No. And I don't wanna talk about it, with you, anymore, okay?"

She shrugged. "Alright. Topic closed."

* * *

He did need to figure out what he and Haley would do. He still had a couple days to decide, but it had been so long since he'd dated, he wasn't sure what made sense. His conversation – or drilling, was probably more accurate – with Scarlett had made him realize he didn't really know what Haley liked to do. Other than songwriting, but he sure wasn't going to suggest a songwriting date.

He sighed. He did not want to ask the girls, but he was going to have to, he'd decided. He just didn't know what girls – women – liked to do. It had been easy with Rayna, for the most part. They had known each other so well that he had known what she would like, or what he could ask her to do that she would enjoy. The last few girlfriends he'd had, well, most of those 'dates' could hardly be considered dates. Unless a romp in the sack was considered a date.

That was the thing that caused him the most angst. In his experience, women always seemed to be ready for sex. And early in a relationship, or whatever it was. He didn't know that he was ready for that yet. It still felt a little bit like he was cheating on Rayna, even though he knew he wasn't. He made a frustrated noise. He wondered if this dating thing was even worth it.

* * *

"Hey, Dad." He looked up when Daphne came in through the back door. She tossed her backpack on the kitchen table.

"Hey, Daph," he said. She walked up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, squeezing them gently. He patted the seat beside him. "Come sit. I need your advice."

She hurried around the couch and plopped down next to him, smiling expectantly. "I'm ready," she said.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Why ain't I surprised?" he asked. She shrugged, lifting her hands up. "Okay, so here's the thing. I need ideas for a date."

She grinned. "How about a movie?"

He made a face and shook his head. "I ain't a movie person," he said. "I need it to not be something all overly romantic or nothing either."

She nodded. "Something breezy, huh?"

He frowned. "I guess. Whatever that means. As long as it's not dim lights or nothing."

She thought for a minute. "What about bowling?"

He breathed in. That made him think about the night he'd taken Rayna bowling. 'Date night', he'd called it. He didn't think he could do that. He shook his head. "Nah."

She thought some more. Then she pointed her finger at him. "You like to go out in your little boat, right?" she asked.

He frowned again. "My 'little' boat? That ain't a 'little' boat. It's a canoe." Then he thought he knew where she might be going with that and shook his head. "I ain't taking her to the cabin," he said.

"No, I was thinking kayaking. On the Cumberland. A bunch of us did that not long ago. You can get a two person kayak and you can do a city route or a nature route. It'll be fun!"

He thought about that. It did seem like it might be a fun thing to do, but he wasn't sure it was a _date_ kind of thing to do. "You sure? What if she don't like that kind of thing?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Well, you won't know unless you ask. If she's scared of water, you could hike or something."

"Are these really date things?" he asked, thoroughly confused. He remembered going to the park with Rayna years ago, when they were first together, but that was songwriting or guitar lessons.

Daphne sighed heavily. " _You_ were the one who didn't want to do something overly date-like," she said, sounding exasperated. "No movie, no 'romantic' anything. There's nothing less romantic than a kayak trip or a hike. And you're outside, around other people, so no pressure." She looked thoughtful. "I _do_ get it, Dad. Dating is scary. And new. So just go have some fun and see what happens." She slid over and gave him a hug. "I'm glad you're doing this, Dad," she said. "We really do just want you to be happy again."

She got up then and walked out of the room, leaving him to watch her go. "Who says I ain't happy?" he said out loud, to himself. But, as he thought about it, he realized she was probably right. He'd spent five years missing Rayna, grieving her loss, missing her every day. He also realized that these dates with Haley actually were giving him something to look forward to, something beyond being sad.

* * *

"Hey, Deacon," Haley said, when she answered her phone.

"Hey," he replied. "So, I was wondering what you thought about maybe doing a little kayak thing." He worked his lip a moment. "Just a couple hour thing, on the river. We could grab something to eat after."

She didn't say anything at first and his heart sank. "Sure, that sounds fun," she said, after the pause.

He frowned. "You sure? 'Cause we could figure out something else."

"No, no, not at all. I think it sounds fun. I, well, I haven't done anything like that in a while. It'll be great."

When he got off the phone, he had a bad feeling, like it was not going to be great at all. That he'd misjudged her, thinking she'd be interested in something like this. She would probably rather do a movie or a fancy dinner. He felt a pit in his stomach and wished he hadn't taken Daphne's suggestion. He was pretty sure he'd never see her again after this disaster.

* * *

When he picked her up, she was at least dressed appropriately. She was wearing jeans and boots and had pulled her hair back into a ball cap. She put on her sunglasses as she walked out her front door. "You really sure about this?" he asked, worried again that she really didn't want to do this.

She smiled. "Of course. I've actually never kayaked before. I've mostly canoed. This will be fun." She looked thoughtful. "They will give us life jackets though, right?"

He smiled a little and shook his head. She never failed to surprise him. "Yeah, that's what they said."

She patted him on the arm. "Good. Just in case we roll over or something." She walked down the steps towards his truck, while he contemplated for a second the possibility of actually rolling over in the kayak.

* * *

After getting used to the differences between the kayak and a canoe, they proceeded down the river. At first they were quiet, just listening to the sound of their paddles in the water and looking at the scenery. Finally he broke the silence. "So, you know how to canoe?" he asked, looking back over his shoulder at her, sitting in the back end of the tandem kayak.

"Yes. We had lakes around where I grew up and even a pretty serious lake on our ranch, so we all did that. So, do you go out kayaking a lot?"

He chuckled. "Oh, it's my first time too."

"Oh, great. Here I thought you were going to be the expert. I had no idea we were both newbies at this. Now I _am_ kinda worried."

He swallowed hard and looked back over his shoulder. "You're worried?" he asked. _Shit._

She laughed. "I'm kidding," she said. "Kidding!"

He laughed, breathing a sigh of relief.

"I just figured you wouldn't bring me out on a date to do something you hadn't done before," she went on. "But I like that we're doing something that's new to both of us."

He nodded. "Me too." And surprisingly, he was. This had turned out to be fun. He'd have to thank Daphne for the suggestion.

* * *

As they walked to his truck at the end of the paddle, she rolled her shoulders and did some arm stretches. He raised his eyebrows and she smiled at him. "I have a feeling my arms and shoulders are going to be sore. And I have a songwriting session tomorrow, so I hope to be able to at least pick up my guitar." She laughed. "It's been a while since I've done something like that. Great idea."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Absolutely." As they drove to Mas Tacos for an early dinner, she turned to him. "I really enjoyed doing something other than the usual dinner and a movie or dinner and a concert or show. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course, but this was really a neat idea."

He felt like he had to come clean. "Actually my daughter came up with the idea."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "I ain't really done this, you know, dating thing in a while, so I was sort of stuck on ideas."

She gave him a tiny smile. "Well, you can tell her she did good." She looked out the window, then turned back to him. "Of course, if I can't lift a guitar, then it's all her fault," she said with a smile.

* * *

After he dropped her off at home – with another hug on the porch – he decided he was feeling a little more comfortable with this idea of dating. Haley made it easy. She didn't demand a lot, was a little bit of a tomboy, he was learning, and she seemed true to her word, that he could set the pace. He started to wonder, though, how long it would be before she would want more from him. And when he would feel like he could give more of himself. He liked her, though. He liked her a lot.

He smiled to himself as he continued on home.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I borrowed (and paraphrased) a little bit of Grey's Anatomy dialog._

 **Haley**

Haley wasn't as sore as she thought she'd be the next day. She texted Deacon _Tell your daughter she's off the hook. I can lift my arms up over my head. LOL._ When he texted back _I will tell her. She'll be relieved_ , she smiled. Picking up her guitar and purse, she headed out the door to her songwriting session.

* * *

Liz Robb was one of Haley's favorite people to write with. They'd written dozens of songs together and had many hits. The morning passed almost without her realizing what time it was. "Are you as hungry as I am?" Liz asked. Liz looked up at the clock and saw that it was almost one.

"Probably more," Haley replied.

"Let me run down and order us some Chinese and then we can finish up this bridge. What do you want?" Liz asked.

"How about shrimp fried rice?" Haley said. "And an eggroll too." While she waited for Liz to get their order taken care of, Haley thought back over the previous day. While the suggestion to kayak had seemed random and different, it had turned out to be a great way to spend time with Deacon without it being too intense. Being able to focus on the scenery they passed and just casually chatter felt comfortable. She knew the dating thing was more complicated for him and she wanted to be mindful of that. She didn't want to get too far ahead of herself and start wanting, or expecting, things he wasn't ready to give. That was going to be the balancing act, if she wanted the relationship to continue.

* * *

Liz pointed her chopsticks at Haley. "So what's going on with you these days? I haven't seen you in a coon's age, doesn't feel like, and I have no idea what's happening in your world."

Haley laughed. In addition to Liz being one of her favorite songwriting partners, she'd also become a good friend. They were both from Texas, although Liz was from Dallas and had grown up as part of the privileged Highland Park set. But their Texas roots ran deep and they felt a kindred spirit with each other. "Oh, you know, the usual. I've done a couple writers' rounds and, other than that, just been writing." She picked a shrimp out of her rice and popped it in her mouth, chewing on it thoughtfully. "Oh, and I started seeing somebody new," she added.

Liz sat up. "What? Really? Well, spill, girl. Tell me all about him." She leaned forward expectantly.

Haley waved her hand. "Well, it's still really, really new. I don't even know where it's gonna go yet. It's his first foray into the dating world after his wife died, so there's that."

"Well, what's he like? What does he do? How did you meet him?"

"Actually I met him last year at the Martell dinner. He was the master of ceremonies and we were sitting next to each other briefly. And he's a songwriter, so I saw him again at a songwriting event not too long ago."

"Somebody I know?"

Haley breathed in. "You might. Deacon Claybourne."

Liz's eyes got wide. "Oh, wow. Rayna Jaymes's Deacon? I mean, that was like one of the most storied love stories in Nashville. All that unrequited love while she was married to someone else. And then he almost died and they got back together then. She was just epic for him, and him for her, the great love story. I just figured he'd pine for her forever."

Haley caught her breath as she listened to her friend. Even though she knew Deacon and Rayna's love story, she hadn't really allowed herself to think about the fact that it might never end. It had been five years since she'd died, after all. It wasn't like it was just last year or even a couple years ago, when it might make sense that a man that in love with his wife might find it hard to move on. But she really hadn't considered this _epicness_ , as Liz described it. She swallowed hard.

Liz seemed to realize what she was saying then and she shook her head. "Oh, no, I spooked you. Don't be spooked. No, no, I mean, this is good, right? This is good. It's been a while and, yeah, this is good." She sighed. "Oh, dear. I just said way too much."

Haley shook her head. "No, no, it's okay." She laughed, a shaky sound. "I mean, sure, I've thought about it too. But it seems like, you know, he's ready. I mean, we don't talk about her. Other than that he did acknowledge I was the first person he's gone out with, so we're, um, taking it slow. Because…I don't want to…uh, spook him." She took a deep breath and then let it out, wondering, for the first time, what in the world she was doing.

 **Deacon**

It had been a couple days since the kayaking date and Deacon was stumped again about what to do next. He finally decided maybe he would just ask Haley what she would like to do, instead of making all the plans. He picked up his phone and called her.

"Hey, Deacon," she said, when she answered.

He thought she sounded a little subdued, but then thought he might be overthinking it. "Hey," he replied. "I was wondering about maybe getting together this weekend."

"Um, yeah, sure, we could," she said. She sounded hesitant and not at all enthusiastic.

He frowned. Now he knew he wasn't overthinking it. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No," she answered quickly. "Well, maybe. Not wrong, exactly, just, I don't know, confusing, maybe."

He breathed in. "Did I mess up?" he asked. "I know I ain't good at this yet, but…."

"No, it's not you. It's not anything you did. It's me, I guess."

"You wanna talk about it?"

She hesitated. "Yes," she said finally. "But not over the phone."

"You want me to come by? Or meet you somewhere?"

"How about Shelby Park? Maybe where we ended the kayak trip."

"I'll be there."

* * *

She was waiting when he pulled up. He got out of his truck and walked over to where she sat, sitting down next to her. He looked off towards the river, figuring he'd wait and let her take the lead. She took a deep breath and then turned slightly towards him. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and then breathed in again.

"I wasn't going to do this," she started. "Not yet, anyway."

He frowned. "Do what?"

She rubbed her hands on her legs. "I think we should talk about Rayna," she said. "About how this" – she waved a hand back and forth between the two of them – "makes you feel. About her."

He breathed in. He hadn't quite expected this either. Not this soon. "What do you want me to say?" he asked. "I mean, she's…dead. It ain't like she's coming back."

She nodded. "I know. But from everything I know, that was such an, I don't know, _epic_ relationship. I don't know if I can measure up to that."

He felt a sadness in his heart. And he knew it wasn't about Rayna, it was about the fact that he might have hurt this woman sitting next to him. He hadn't really considered things from her perspective. He thought about what to say. Finally he sighed. "I ain't gonna lie," he said. "I thought me and Rayna would be together the rest of our lives. I caused her a lotta pain when we were first together. When we finally got it figured out, well, you know what happened. She died." He looked down at his hands, then back at her. "My girls, well, they been bugging me for a while now to get out and date, meet someone. They think I'm lonely and they don't want me to be."

"You shouldn't do it for them, Deacon," she said.

He nodded. "I know. And I'm not. 'Cause they're right. I _have_ been lonely." He half smiled. "Someone told me that me and alone ain't such a good combination. Turns out they was right. I can't live like that."

She looked at him. "I can't be _her_ , though."

"I don't want you to be."

"But are you really sure you're ready to make space in your life for someone who's… _not_ her?"

He reached out then and took her hand. "I like being with you. I know I'm kinda rusty on this dating thing, but the one thing I know is that I like you. I like spending time with you. I want to keep doing it." It occurred to him suddenly that she might not want to spend time with him. He frowned. "Do you not want to?"

She smiled. "Actually I _do_ want to. I just…well, I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking. I guess, I just needed to be sure you weren't just looking for, you know, another her." She waved her hand then. "I mean, I know she's part of you, but I just needed to know…."

He felt a little better. "I'm ready," he said. "I wouldn't do this if I wasn't."

She nodded. "Okay."

He breathed in. "You're not her. I don't mean it in a bad way, or nothing, or any way really. You're different. And I like that. I know I ain't really good at this and I might make mistakes, but…."

She leaned forward. "I like you, Deacon. A lot." She shrugged. "Maybe we're just doing this wrong."

He frowned. "Wrong how?"

"I don't know. Maybe instead of _dating_ , we just, I don't know, hang out."

He was surprised at how that made him feel. It felt like she was breaking up with him. "You mean just be friends?" he asked, swallowing over a lump in his throat.

She smiled and shook her head. "No, that's not what I meant. I guess, just _be_ together, you know. Kind of let things happen organically instead of feeling like we need to make plans. Like you could come over and we could make dinner together and just talk or play music if we wanted. Or we could come here or something or even go listen to music someplace." She laughed softly. "I guess I was thinking we're both kind of old to be _dating_ , you know? We should just, you know, _be_ together."

He smiled then, feeling relieved. "Or you could come hang out in my music room."

She nodded. "I could do that." She sat back then, rubbing her hands on her jeans. "We just need to talk more, Deacon, I think. About things like this and just how we go about this relationship thing. Not be afraid to talk about the tough subjects." She smiled a little sheepishly. "I feel a little bit like I am following in some very large footsteps and that I might not be up to the task of that. It's a little scary."

He had not really considered that. He had focused mostly on himself, wondering how he would navigate the dating world and how he would move on from the aftermath of Rayna's death. He hadn't really thought about how Haley, or any other woman, might feel about coming after her. "I don't want you to be scared," he said. He cleared his throat. "And even if it's hard, we should talk, about stuff that bothers you, or worries you."

She nodded and smiled. "I would like that." She stood up then and he did too. "Thanks, Deacon. I appreciate you doing this."

"You feel better then, about us?"

She nodded. "I do."

He smiled. "Good." Then he took her hand, leaned in, and kissed her gently on the lips. When he pulled back, she looked surprised, and so he did it again. This time she responded, pressing her lips against his. Mindful that they were in public, he pulled back again, smiling at her. "Why don't I show you my music room?" She grinned and then laughed out loud.

 **Haley**

As she followed him to his house, Haley considered that 'music room' could be a euphemism for something else and it made her laugh. But she thought it probably wasn't. Deacon seemed like someone who was pretty straightforward, which was one reason she liked him. She was also curious about his music room. Although having a music room in Nashville wasn't unusual, it was a broad term that could mean anything from a full studio to just a comfortable place to write and play music.

As they drove through the quiet streets of Green Hills, lined with mature landscaping, a mix of old Nashville homes and newer rebuilds, she felt slightly out of her element. Even though she'd grown up in a large, well-appointed ranch house outside Lubbock, she'd lived in apartments and small houses ever since leaving college. Her little East Nashville bungalow was tiny compared to these homes. Deacon's house was large but not ostentatious and, as she got out of her car, she looked around the ample lot.

"This is really nice," she said, with a smile.

He smiled a little sheepishly. "It's probably more'n we need, 'specially now that Maddie's moved out, but we like it."

She breathed in. "Was this where you…?"

He shook his head. "I bought this about three, maybe four years ago." She just nodded. He gestured towards the front door. "Wanna go in?"

She nodded. "Yep."

* * *

He opened the door to the music room and let her in. She walked in and then turned to him, her mouth open with surprise. "Oh, wow, Deacon, this is awesome," she said. It _was_ awesome. It had a small studio with a soundboard and lots of comfortable seating built for songwriting. It also seemed a bit like a shrine to Rayna Jaymes, with her album covers displayed on the walls and awards she assumed were Rayna's on display shelves. She supposed that kind of thing had to go somewhere and this seemed like the right place. It could have been intimidating, but somehow it wasn't.

He shrugged. "It ain't quite as fancy as the one in the last house, but it's got what we need. It was the one deal breaker when we looked for a new house."

She smiled, thinking he was understating the fancy. "Well, I guess the good news is that, in Nashville, it's a lot easier to actually find a house with a music room than somewhere else." The other thing she noticed were the guitars. They were everywhere. Some were basic, serviceable guitars. Others were quality instruments, well-used but beautifully maintained. And then there were the vintage guitars that could take your breath away. A stunning Martin D-45 acoustic. A Gibson SJ-100. A custom Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. She looked at him. "You have quite a guitar collection."

He smiled, a little sadly, she thought. "For a lotta years that was all I had." He breathed in. "I almost sold 'em once. But I didn't."

"Do you play them all?"

He nodded. "Most of 'em. The girls do too." He raised his eyebrows. "You wanna try one?"

"Really?" She felt a little like a kid in a candy store.

"Sure." He walked over and picked up the Martin acoustic and handed it to her. "Try this one."

She gingerly took the guitar and walked over to sit on the couch. She balanced the guitar across her legs and let her fingers glide down over the strings. She looked up at Deacon. "Oh, this is phenomenal," she breathed. He grinned. She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and then she started playing a little riff.

After thirty seconds or so, he said, "Are you just making that up?"

She stopped and looked up at him. "No. You don't know it?" He shook his head. She smiled. "It's a song called 'Little Martha'. It was actually written as a guitar duet by my guitar hero, Duane Allman."

He nodded with understanding. "Ah, Allman Brothers then," he said.

She smiled, a little dreamily. "Yeah. I grew up on that kind of music. I was a rock and roll girl long before I came to Nashville." She played a little more of the song. "My parents actually named me Martha, in honor of this song." He looked confused. "Haley is my middle name. Martha Haley McLaughlin. I love the song, but hated being called Martha, so I chose Haley instead." She tilted her head slightly. "We should play this together."

He frowned. "I don't know it."

She pulled out her iPhone and went through her music, pulling up the song and letting him listen. When it was done, she looked at him. "Think you could follow me?"

He smiled. "I bet I could." He got up and picked out a guitar, then sat across from her. She started and he joined in. As they wound through the music, he smiled at her and she really enjoyed the guitar interplay between them. When they finished, the sound of clapping came from the door and they both turned to see Daphne standing there, a huge smile on her face.

"I don't know what that was," Daphne said, "but it was frigging amazing!"

 **Deacon**

Turned out Haley was right. Instead of going through the whole dance of trying to figure out plans and what to do, just spending time together was the answer. Deacon had been impressed with her knowledge of guitars, but even more impressed by her skill. They had spent the rest of that afternoon playing music and, even with Daphne joining in, it had been an enjoyable afternoon.

He looked over at his daughter. "Don't you got homework to do?" he asked, with a frown.

She raised her eyebrows. "You're right," she said, with a smirk. "I do." She got up and walked over to put her guitar away. She turned back. "Pizza tonight?" she asked.

He smiled. "As always," he said. Daphne raised her hand in a wave and walked out of the music room. He turned back to Haley. "That was fun. I had no idea you were that good."

She pretended to be hurt. "You mean my mad guitar skills weren't evident during our writers' round?" she asked.

He gave her arm a playful nudge. "You didn't play nothing like that," he said, raising his eyebrows.

She grinned. "Well, that is true." She winked. "I save that kind of thing for when I'm trying to impress someone who has his own music room."

He laughed. "Consider me impressed, then." He turned slightly towards her. "So, you wanna stay for pizza?"

She nodded. "I'd like that."

He got up and held his hand out for hers. "Let's go order then," he said, as she put her hand in his. He pulled her up. "First I'd like to do this though." He drew her closer and leaned down to kiss her. After a moment, she opened her lips to his and he savored the kiss, his first real kiss in five years. It felt good, but he didn't linger too long.

She looked up into his eyes, seeming to be searching out something. But then she smiled. "Now _I'm_ the one who's impressed," she said.

He breathed in and smiled. Then he took her hand and they walked out of the music room together.

* * *

He sat on the edge of the bed. It had been a good day. He didn't feel as awkward with the whole dating landscape – actually he liked the idea that he and Haley weren't 'dating', but just working out a relationship. They had held hands and they had kissed and both of those things had felt right. She had been the one to bring Rayna into the equation and, he had to admit, it had meant that his thoughts had been on Rayna since then. He'd listened to people – the girls and Scarlett, mainly – tell him that Rayna would be okay with him looking for love again, trying to find someone he could be comfortable with and have a relationship with. He had mulled over that for a long time, months really, and had finally come to the conclusion they were right. If she were sitting in the chair across from his bed right then, he knew she would tell him to stop hiding away and to move on with his life. Not in the way she had said it during those years they weren't together, as though he were wasting his time not moving on, but in a gentle way, that spoke to how much she had loved him.

He sighed and then he reached for the glass dish that still sat on his bedside table. The four 'Rayna Jaymes' guitar picks were still there, but he took out his wedding ring, the thing he'd added to the dish the day he'd taken Haley out for the first time. He thought about what Rayna had said the day she'd given it to him. _I give you this ring, forged in the fire of our love, and I vow to be yours forever and always._ He breathed in slowly. He'd very nearly given up on ever having that with her. That it hadn't even lasted a year was bittersweet.

It had taken him a long time to give up on the forever and always. He knew part of it was Maddie leaving home and the knowledge that Daphne soon would be as well. And then he'd be in this house, by himself, and the loneliness would stretch out long and deep. He didn't want to just fill the space, though. So he'd thought long and hard before he decided Haley was the woman he wanted to reach out to. There was an ease he felt with her and an understanding he sensed from her.

He looked at the ring again and then laid it in the palm of his hand. It felt heavy, heavy with all the expectations and tribulations and just the _stuff_ he and Rayna had gone through over all the years they'd been in each other's lives. When he'd taken it off, his emotions had been all over the place, but it had felt like the right thing to do. He couldn't embark on this _relationship_ with Haley still holding onto this idea he was still married to Rayna. But it had felt a little bit like his heart was being torn in two.

He moved his hand back over the dish and turned it slightly so that the ring slid off and back into its resting place. It was time to move forward and Haley was the woman he wanted to do that with. He could feel in his heart that Rayna would approve.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you to those who are reading and reviewing this story. I know it's not for everyone and that some can't envision this – yet or maybe ever – but I appreciate those of you who are giving it a chance._

 **Deacon**

Deacon smiled when Haley answered her phone. "You got anything planned for this afternoon?" he asked.

"No, nothing," she said. "You have something in mind?"

"I do," he said. "I'll come pick you up. Jeans and a t-shirt are fine." He slipped his phone into his pocket and, grabbing his keys, walked out of the house. He hadn't ridden his motorcycle in years, but he thought Haley might be the bike type. He grabbed an extra helmet and fastened it onto the back of the bike and then headed down the drive.

* * *

He knocked on her door and waited. When she opened it, she smiled and said, "Hey." Then she noticed he was holding his bike helmet and she looked at him with a smirk. "Is that for a bicycle or a motorcycle?" she asked.

He laughed. "A motorcycle. You game?"

She shrugged. "As long as you've got a helmet for me," she responded.

He nodded. "I do." He gestured towards her purse. "You might not want that."

She smiled. "Probably not." She pulled out her phone and keys and set the purse down on a chair. Then she walked out onto her porch and locked her door, clipping the key ring to a loop on her jeans and sticking her phone in her front pocket. "I'm ready," she said, looking back at him and holding her arms out to the side.

"Let's go then," he said. He let her walk down the steps and then followed her. He handed her the spare helmet and then got on the bike. He waited for her to get on behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He thought for a second that he liked the feel of her arms around him and her body pressed against his back. It felt good. Natural. Then he started the bike and, turning it, headed down the street.

* * *

He pulled off on the side of the road and turned off the bike. He got off and helped Haley get off as well. He took off his helmet and she took off hers, shaking out her hair. "Where are we?" she asked. "I kind of got lost after we got off Briley."

"It's near a put in point for fishing boats for some of the tributaries off the river and into the river itself." He nodded his head towards an almost hidden trail. "I thought we'd go that way."

"Sounds good to me," she said. He reached for her hand and they headed down the narrow trail. It suddenly opened up to a small cove, but the river was visible just beyond it. "Wow," she said. "I would never have guessed this was here."

He looked at her. "I hadn't been here in a while," he said. She looked at him a little warily and he shook his head. "Nah. I used to come here when I was…by myself." He breathed in and looked out over the calm water of the cove. "Sometimes I needed to get away, you know?"

It had been the place he used to come during those years Rayna was married to Teddy, when sometimes the nearness to her was too much. He hadn't been here in a long time. He'd never brought Rayna here, so he thought it would be okay to bring Haley. He knew he wasn't always going to be able to keep her separate from things he'd experienced with Rayna, but he was glad there were still places they could go that would be just for them.

The motorcycle was another thing that he'd never done with Rayna. He'd wanted a Harley, back in the early days when they were together, but she would not let him have one. Her fear of him driving drunk on a motorcycle outweighed even her fear of him driving drunk in a truck and he'd let it go. He'd taken Maddie out on the motorcycle a time or two, but Rayna hadn't liked that either, so he'd essentially parked it after that. He was glad to have a chance to use it again and he was glad Haley enjoyed it.

He watched her now as she walked to the edge of the cove. She slid her hands in her pockets and turned her face up to the sky. He walked up to stand next to her and she lowered her head and turned to him. "It's such a peaceful place," she said. "I can see why you would have come here."

He took her hand. "Let's sit." They settled on the bank, just steps from the water.

She looked at him, a playful look on her face. "I think I should have been surprised at the motorcycle, but I have to say, it suits you," she said.

He raised his eyebrows and then he laughed. "You ain't the first person who said that," he said. "It's been a long time since I took it out though."

"How long have you had it?"

He grinned. "Kinda funny story. I was on tour. I tried going as a solo act for a little while. I put out an EP and then I got invited to tour with Luke Wheeler, of all people."

She looked surprised. "That's interesting. You sure don't seem like you would have fit on a Luke Wheeler tour."

He shook his head, smiling sheepishly. "Yeah, that was true enough. It was a, you know, weird time in my life and it was kinda awkward. At best." He breathed out. "Turned out to be the end of that little experiment, thinking I could go out on my own."

She was quiet for a minute and then leaned a little forward, wrapping her arms around her knees. "I guess that was when Rayna was with Luke then."

He looked out over the cove and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, it was," he said quietly.

After a moment, she said, "I still don't know the motorcycle story, though." She angled her head towards him and smiled.

He smiled back. "Yeah, that. Well, my bus left me at a truck stop."

She made a face. "Wait a minute. _Your_ bus left _you_? How does that even happen?"

He bit his lip and rolled his eyes. "I guess they thought I was on it, maybe. But I wasn't. Obviously."

She reached over and punched him lightly on the arm and grinned. "A little distracted, were ya?" she asked, with a wink.

He laughed a second. "Maybe. Anyway, I obviously needed to catch up and there happened to be this motorcycle for sale." He motioned back up towards where he'd parked. "That motorcycle, to be exact. So I bought it. And actually drove it between a couple legs, but then I parked it back here and just didn't take it out much after that." He looked at her. "It occurred to me I might want to get it back out on the road."

She smiled. "Thanks for asking me out for a ride."

 **Haley**

Haley dressed carefully for her date that night. Her bedroom looked a little bit like a tornado had gone through, with clothes all over the bed and draped over the chairs. It was her first time going backstage at the Opry and it felt like she needed to dress appropriately for the occasion. She'd seen many shows at the famed venue, but had never performed there herself. As a pure songwriter, it wasn't the normal venue for someone like her and she was excited to see it in a different light.

Maddie and Daphne were performing that night and Deacon had asked her to go with him. They would get to watch it from the side stage and spend time with the girls in their dressing room pre-performance. So she wanted to look perfect. She stood in front of the mirror and turned side to side. She had finally decided on a fitted white blouse and slim jeans, along with a thigh length leather vest and a pair of well-worn Lucchese boots. She felt nervous, maybe for the first time since her first date with Deacon, but she was at least satisfied, finally, with how she looked.

When she heard the knock on the front door, she hurried down the hall and opened the door. As always, Deacon took her breath away. It didn't seem to matter how he dressed, he always managed to look rugged and sexy. She thought again that she couldn't understand how any woman could turn him away. "Hey there," she said, with a smile.

He took her hand and leaned in to give her a quick kiss. "You ready?" he asked.

She nodded. "I am."

As they walked out to his truck, he said, "I still can't believe you ain't never been backstage at the Opry."

She shrugged. "No reason I would be, I guess. I'm not an artist, just a songwriter. So this is a real treat for me."

He opened the door for her. "We're meeting Maddie and Daphne there." He smiled. "They're excited you're coming."

That was what was making her nervous. Even though she'd met both girls, and spent a little more time with Daphne that afternoon in the music room, it felt like this was her coming out date, a little bit. Like the new girlfriend meeting the kids for the first time. Although Deacon had told her both girls had encouraged him to start dating, she still wanted to make a good impression.

* * *

They parked around the back at the artists' entrance. "Well, this is a nice perk," she said, as they headed for the entrance. She smiled as he took her hand.

"I guess technically I should park someplace else, but they know me here and don't give me much grief," he said, with a wink. "I get to do it 'cause the girls are playing."

She felt those little butterflies when he mentioned the girls again. She just smiled and took a deep breath as they walked in. As they started down the hallway, she was surprised at all the people milling around. It was a beautiful space, with lots of conversation areas and photos of Opry legends on the wall. "Wow," she said, looking around.

He grinned at her. "This is kind of a hang out space. Lotta artists crash here after they perform. If artists have a lot of guests, some might be here." He stopped at one of the doorways off the main hall. "This is it." The door was almost closed, so he knocked. "Maddie? Daph?"

"Dad!" she heard a voice from inside call out and then the door opened all the way. Daphne was standing there, a big smile on her face. "Come on in!" she cried, waving them in.

Deacon put his hand on Haley's back and guided her forward. "Oh, wow," she said, as she looked around. There were more pictures of Opry legends on the walls. There was a couch and two chairs on the wall opposite the couch. A keyboard sat between the couch and the vanity space. "This is amazing," she said, as she turned in a circle. Deacon was grinning at her and she swatted his arm.

"You're like a kid in a candy store," he said, laughing.

"Shut up," she said. Then she turned back to Maddie and Daphne. "This is so amazing," she said to them. "Thank you for letting me come back here."

Maddie walked over and gave her a hug. "I'm so glad you're here." She looked at Daphne. "We both are," she said. She held her arm out and smiled. "Welcome to our dressing room."

Daphne waltzed over and took her hand. "This room is called 'It All Begins With A Song'." She breathed in. "This was Mom's favorite," she said, with a sad smile.

Haley glanced over at Deacon and, although he was still smiling, she could see the sadness rimming his eyes. She looked back at Daphne. "It would be special to someone who writes beautiful songs," she said quietly. "I can see why she would have loved it."

There was a moment of silence in the room and then Maddie broke it, saying "We thought we'd run through our numbers for the two of you. Is that okay?"

Haley nodded and Deacon walked up behind her, putting his hands on her arms. "Can't wait," he said. He led her over to the couch and they sat down, as Maddie and Daphne got their guitars and warmed up.

They were doing two songs – a new one from their album called "Wherever We Go" and one Maddie said they'd written back when they were younger. "I think we only did this one once for an audience, but it's one of my favorites that we wrote together," Maddie said, looking at Daphne. "Don't you think so?"

Daphne nodded. "I do." She looked at Haley and Deacon. "It's about letting go and following your dreams, but still needing that place to come back to."

Haley tried not to listen to it with a songwriter's ear, but it was hard to put that completely away. She loved the blend of their voices and the pictures their words evoked. The last verse really stuck with her, long after they had finished.

 _Gonna need an anchor / I'm gonna need wings / I'm gonna need a willing heart / To chase out all these dreams / Gonna need understanding / When it's hard to understand / And I'm gonna need your love / No matter where I am_

She found herself thinking that her relationship with Deacon was going to need some of that understanding, even if it wasn't always hard to understand what he needed. She looked at him then and saw the pride in his face as he watched his daughters. They clearly had a special bond and she found herself thinking they were pretty special too to be able to tell him to go find another love. They very obviously loved him as much as he loved them.

Before too long, someone came to let Maddie and Daphne know it was their turn on the stage, and Deacon and Haley followed them up to the side stage. Connie Smith was the host for their segment and she introduced them.

"We are so pleased tonight to have two up and coming artists join us. They've just released a duet album together that is just fantastic. They've performed here before, together and separately, and they also are the daughters of a much loved, and missed, Opry member, Rayna Jaymes. Please help me welcome back to our Opry stage, Maddie Jaymes and Daphne Conrad!"

The crowd reception was warm and enthusiastic and Haley couldn't help but clap as well, as the girls headed out on the stage. They both stopped to hug Connie and then made their way to stand on the circle, just like Haley imagined Rayna must have done many times before. She smiled up at Deacon and thought what a lovely full circle moment it was for them.

For her, it was also like a dream. She was standing on the side of the Opry stage, watching the show. Connie Smith had introduced herself and she'd felt a little bit like a fangirl. Montgomery Gentry walked up just after Maddie and Daphne went on, the next act to go, and she had thought she might faint. Deacon smiled at her at one point and rubbed her back. It was really an amazing night. Maddie and Daphne were fantastic and, as they came off the stage to wild applause, she found herself feeling a little proud of them, even though she had no real right to.

* * *

When Deacon walked her to her front door, Haley smiled at him. "Thank you for taking me tonight," she said. "That was so amazing! Your daughters are just fantastic together."

He smiled. "They been singing together since they were little. I wish they'd do more of it, but Maddie seems to want to be on her own."

She nodded. "I can understand that." She inclined her head towards the door. "Do you want to come in for a minute?" She hadn't done that before, because she didn't want him to think she was trying to pressure him into anything, like sex. But she also thought it might seem odd that she never invited him in and just let him leave. He seemed to hesitate. "Just maybe for a glass of iced tea. Nothing else."

He nodded then. "Okay."

She turned to unlock the door. _I was right. He's nervous about the next step._ She felt a tiny twinge of disappointment, but then reminded herself that she was in this for the long haul, that it wasn't worth chasing him off because she got itchy for more too soon. She thought it might be a big deal for him to think about sleeping with someone other than Rayna and she also thought he probably needed some time to get used to the idea.

When she came back into the living room with the iced tea, he was sitting on the edge of the couch. The thought crossed her mind that he wanted to leave and that left her feeling strangely sad. She set the tea down in front of him and then sat in one of the wing chairs. The silence hung between them awkwardly and she finally felt like she just needed to say _something_. "Your girls seem like they really look after you," she said.

He took a sip of tea and then he smiled sheepishly. "I guess they both thought I needed taking care of after…their mom died. And then they just kept doing it." He cleared his throat. "I'm a, you know, alcoholic and I think they worried I might fall off the wagon or something. Hell, I think everybody did."

She frowned. "But you're sober, right? Been sober?"

He nodded. "Yeah. For a long time. But, you know, sometimes when the pain's really bad, even a recovering alcoholic can slip." He put his head down. "I mean, my whole life, hell, my whole identity was tied up in her." He looked back at her and she could see the pain in his eyes. "But they reminded me I'm more than that."

 **Deacon**

Deacon looked at Haley then and saw compassion in her eyes. He wasn't sure what he'd expected. It seemed like, since she'd opened the door to it, that Rayna was going to end up being more a part of their relationship. He guessed that made sense. It wasn't like he could pretend she hadn't existed or that she hadn't been a big part of his life. Always would, truth be told. He gave her a quick smile. "I'm their dad. Maddie said that to me, right back at the beginning. It really kind of hit me then that they'd need me. I mean, I hadn't been a dad all that long and now I was gonna have to step up."

She looked confused. "I don't understand," she said.

He took a deep breath. This seemed like it was going to be one of those defining moments for them. It would tell her something about him and what he'd been like in the past. It would start to fill in some of what she didn't know about him, that she probably needed to. "I didn't know Maddie was my daughter until she was thirteen," he said.

He could see her digest that. "I didn't know that," she said, finally, her tone neutral.

He nodded. "I was still drinking when Rayna got pregnant. I was a mess. So she didn't tell me. Married Teddy Conrad instead and raised up Maddie as his daughter."

"Wow," she said. He waited. She seemed to be processing it, trying to decide how to respond. "That's kind of a big thing." She sighed. "I don't have kids of my own, as you probably know, and so I don't know all the ins and outs of things, but that seems like a long time to not know you had a daughter." Then she held up her hand. "I don't need to know the details of it. It was a long time ago and clearly you worked through it with her, so it's okay." She smiled at him. "You're obviously a good dad. They both obviously adore you. It seems like it all worked out in the end."

He nodded, appreciating her understanding. Maybe it would come up again one day, but he was glad for her acceptance. "I knew 'em both their whole lives. Rayna brought 'em out on tour with her until they started school, so I got to watch 'em both grow up."

"Did Daphne choose to stay here?"

"It was kinda complicated. But Teddy thought they needed to be together and he thought they needed to be here, so I think she was kinda relieved. I was glad to have her. She goes to see him several times a year and summers, so it worked out." She didn't say anything, but he didn't sense any judgment. He breathed in. "I got a lot of baggage. It ain't all sunshine and roses with me." He watched her get up and come sit next to him on the couch. He turned to face her.

She looked at him for a moment, then leaned in and kissed him. Then she sat back. "I'm not worried about baggage," she said. "We all have some of that."

He looked at her, then slid over and put his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. He felt her arms go around his shoulders, her hands landing on the back of his neck. He pressed his lips to hers, then felt her mouth open to his. He let himself get lost in the kiss, focused just on her and how good it felt to be with her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Haley**

"So, what are her plans now?" Haley asked. She and Deacon were driving to Daphne's school for her graduation. Daphne had specifically asked her to come with her dad, so she was. It felt a little odd, considering she wasn't actually Daphne's family and because her relationship with Deacon was still fairly new. But she was always happy to spend time with him, and she really liked Daphne, so she had accepted.

Deacon sighed. "Well, she's going to Atlanta for a few weeks. To spend time with Teddy."

She looked at him. She was sure she saw sadness on his face. "I forget she's not your biological daughter," she said. "She seems so connected to you. And you to her."

He nodded. He glanced at her. "I forget too." He sighed. "You know, I've known her her whole life. I was there, even before she was born. She feels like mine, in a way."

"Did Rayna bring her on tour?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Both girls. Until they were school age. Teddy never came out on the bus, so I guess, in a way, I filled in." He breathed in. "Which was her plan, at least for Maddie." She raised her eyebrows. He sighed. "It was her way of making sure me and Maddie had a relationship. I mean, if I wasn't gonna be her dad, I could at least _know_ her."

She breathed in. She sensed a bit of hurt in that disclosure. Clearly he and Rayna had worked past it somehow, but obviously it wasn't a completely healed wound. Maybe still just a scab over it. "Did it make things easier when you did find out you were her dad?"

He gave a half laugh. "You would think, but nah, not really. Not at first, anyway. But there was other stuff going on and it was just kinda not a good time, for anybody." He looked at her and she could see old pain in his eyes. "Maybe one day I'll tell you all that."

She reached over and touched his arm. "If you want." She decided they needed to change the subject. "So, anyway, what's Daphne going to do after she goes to Atlanta?"

He breathed in deeply, as if clearing out the air in the truck. He glanced over and gave her a half-smile. "Not surprisingly, she wants to sing. Perform. Write music."

She smiled. "Well, she is very talented. Did you teach her the guitar?"

He shrugged. "I spent some time with her, but she's like Maddie, kinda picked it up on her own. Watched people, listened, and then just did it. Both those girls are just way talented."

"Will she go out on her own?"

"I don't know. I don't think she wants to. She always wanted to just do it with Maddie. Or someone else. She was scared to get out there by herself." He glanced over. "She shouldn't be. She's every bit as good as Maddie. Maybe better." He smiled. "But don't tell Maddie I said that."

She grinned. "I won't."

They pulled into the school parking lot then and, once they'd parked, walked towards the auditorium. He took her hand, threading his fingers through hers. She looked up at him and smiled and he smiled back at her. "I'm glad you came," he said.

* * *

When Haley came out of the restroom after the ceremony, she turned the corner and then stopped, stepping back. Deacon was hugging Daphne, who was clearly crying. Teddy, whom Haley had met that day, was there as well, his hand on Daphne's back. She thought it had to have been related to Rayna somehow, and she turned her gaze away, not wanting to eavesdrop on that moment. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to face Katharine, Teddy's wife. Katharine smiled sadly. "I think she's missing her mom," she said.

Haley nodded. "I'm sure she is." She looked away, thinking there were probably still a lot of these poignant moments to come, for Deacon and his girls. It was a heavy load to take on.

* * *

Daphne left with Teddy and Katharine after they'd all had dinner together to celebrate her graduation. Maddie and her fiancée had been there as well and Maddie hugged Daphne fiercely before she let her sister go. Haley watched Deacon with Maddie and Daphne and saw the closeness the three of them had. It was family, but it was also a closeness borne of the immense sorrow and loss they'd felt together. Her heart ached for them, but she also breathed in deeply, thinking about walking behind Rayna Jaymes.

 **Deacon**

Deacon felt at loose ends with Daphne gone and Maddie consumed with wedding preparations. The house felt too large and empty and it made him start to wonder about what to do if and when Daphne moved out. He liked the size of Haley's house, which he'd come to realize was about the same size as the bungalow he'd lived in before he'd moved in with Rayna.

It occurred to him that he'd been thinking more about Rayna these days. Some of it was the milestones she was missing, like Daphne's high school graduation and Maddie's wedding. Those were things he knew she would have enjoyed and been excited for. He felt especially bad for Maddie, doing all the wedding planning without her mom. Juliette and Scarlett had stepped in and acted as mother figures for her on things like dress shopping and picking out flowers and all those things he didn't really understand.

It had been the same when he and Rayna had gotten married. She had hired a wedding planner, but she made all the decisions and approved all the plans. All he'd had to do was pick out a suit and a ring. He thought that Rayna had probably felt a little bit like Maddie was feeling now – sad that her mother wasn't there to share the joy with her. He breathed in, willing himself to push away sad thoughts.

He also knew, though, that he was trying to figure out the next steps in his relationship with Haley. He knew they were sort of holding steady and he felt like he needed to do something to break through, but he wasn't quite sure what that was. And he felt a little like he was letting his memories of Rayna stand in the way. Which then made him think about Haley.

He glanced at the clock and decided to call her. "Hey," he said, when she answered. "It's a beautiful day and I was wondering if you might want to go for a bike ride."

"I'd love to. When?"

"How about I come by now?"

"I'll be waiting."

He smiled to himself as he disconnected and then walked out the door.

* * *

He headed south on highway 65. They had gone out on the bike several times since he'd first taken her out and he liked the feeling of adventure. He also liked how she felt, holding onto him from behind. The fact that they couldn't really talk along the way allowed him to fall back into his feelings, thinking about what came next. He and Haley had been dating – or seeing each other, as she preferred to call it – for almost six months. Other than Rayna, he'd never been in a relationship with anyone that long. He had certainly never been in a relationship with anyone that had not involved sex. And it made him wonder what was different about this relationship and if he was moving too slowly.

He exited off the highway and headed down one of the rural roadways towards Leipers Fork. It was a quiet area, great for thinking and talking. He finally pulled off at a clearing along the Harpeth River and parked the bike. He and Haley got off and walked down towards the water. There was a grassy area near a stand of trees and they sat, leaning against the trunk of one of the trees. He leaned his head back, thinking that for the first time since they'd started seeing each other, he was second-guessing himself.

He took a deep breath and turned to look at her. She turned towards him, a questioning look on her face. He worked his lip for a second, then asked, "Is this" – gesturing back and forth between them – "going the way you thought it would?"

She looked back out over the river, then drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She sighed. "I told you, in the beginning, we could take things as slow as you wanted." She turned to look at him, squinting a little in the bright sunlight. "I meant that."

He noticed she hadn't really answered his question. "Is it too slow though? For you, I mean."

She shrugged. "I don't know. I really like you, Deacon. I mean, I like you a lot. What I have come to realize is that I could really get hurt here. I know we've talked some about this before, but you've been alone for all these years. After having this _epic_ love story. It's a lot to follow behind, you know?" She gave him a tiny smile. "I've never had that, in my life." She breathed in and looked away.

"Haley, I…." he started.

She looked back at him and interrupted him. "You could be _my_ epic love story, Deacon. You know? So I have to think about that. That it wouldn't be the same for you." She sighed. "The reality is that Rayna was the love of your life, the woman you waited _years_ for, the woman you, for all intents and purposes, have a lifetime body of musical work you wrote for. It's a lot to follow behind. It's not that I don't want to try to make something here, but you know. It's just a lot."

He swallowed over the lump in his throat. It was hard to hear and it made his heart ache, because he really liked her. Didn't want to lose her, if he was honest. He reached out and took her hand. "I waited a long time before I thought about finding someone new." He raised his eyebrows. "Mainly for the reasons you said. I went a long time thinking I just couldn't." He leaned back and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. He looked over at her. "You were the only one I could see myself doing this with."

She smiled a little and then turned her hand so she could link her fingers through his. "Even with my insecurities?" she asked.

He smiled. "If it helps, I waited until I knew I wanted to do it. I wanna do it right though. I ain't always been good at the relationship thing, so I want to do this right." He leaned over and brushed her lips with a kiss. "Don't give up on me," he said. He sighed. "It took me a while to figure out that things weren't gonna go back to normal, whatever that meant. I ain't the same person I was then. Never will be, I don't reckon."

She smiled. "Okay. I won't give up," she said.

He kissed her again, a longer kiss, thinking about how good it felt to be with someone like her. Then he smiled. "You hungry?" She nodded. "Good, 'cause I'm starving. Thought we could hit up Puckett's before we head back."

She grinned. "I like the sound of that." He stood up and pulled her up with him. Then he put his arm around her shoulders as they walked back to the bike.

 **Haley**

Haley poured herself a glass of wine and went out onto her back deck. The sun was setting behind the trees and a light breeze kept the humidity at bay. She had begged off of dinner with Deacon and found herself in a very introspective mood. She sat down on a lounge chair and set her glass and phone on the table next to her. She'd been spending a lot of time with Deacon over the past several months. They played music together, went on bike rides, shared long lunches on patio decks. But she sensed a hesitancy on his part, to go to the next step. She didn't know if she was the problem or if it was the past and his memories that kept him in a holding pattern. But that's where he was – in a holding pattern. He seemed content with holding hands and kisses, but even though they'd talked about it some, he still pulled back.

She picked up her glass and took a long sip. Unexpectedly she felt a tear trail down her cheek. She reached up and wiped it away. It felt like this was a pivotal moment for the two of them. She knew she didn't want to just be his friend. She wanted more. _But can he give more? Will he ever be able to step out of her shadow?_ She sighed and then picked up her phone. She scrolled down her contacts until she found her sister Rachel's number. She pressed call, hoping she was available.

"Martha!" Haley rolled her eyes and smiled. She put Rachel on speaker. "What is up in NashVegas tonight?"

"Just hoping to talk to my baby sister, Rachel Erlene," she said with a grin. Rachel hated the middle name their parents had saddled her with almost as much as Haley disliked Martha. "You free? Or do you need to tend to your young'uns?"

"Ha! Your nieces are finally at an age where they are way too cool to hang out with Mom. What's up?"

Suddenly Haley felt tears overwhelming her. "I feel like I'm at a crossroads," she said, her voice shaking.

"Hey, wait a minute. What's this about?" Rachel was instantly in mother hen mode. Even though she was four years younger, Haley often thought of Rachel as her wiser sister, an old soul since she was a tiny girl.

"Oh, it's about a guy," she said.

"The guy you've been seeing? Deacon?"

"Yeah."

"I thought things were good there."

Haley sighed. "They are. I guess. Except that we still seem to be stuck in second gear."

"So he still hasn't invited you into his bed?"

"Rachel!"

"Well? Am I right?"

"It's not that simple, you know?" Haley took another sip of her wine. "I'm just not sure what I should do."

"I know you like him. And it sounds like, from what you've said, he likes you." Rachel paused. "Are you sure it's not just you projecting on him all your history?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But he has baggage too, you know."

"Yeah, the dead wife. I know. But, sweetie, she's not coming back. And you're right there, standing right in front of him. Do you think he could be scared?"

"Possibly. Probably. You know, he says all the right things. Hang in there, don't give up on me, I chose you, that kind of stuff. But it feels like we're just treading water." She got up and walked into the house, getting the wine bottle out of her fridge and heading back out. "And yes, I guess some of it is that we haven't even gone to second base."

Rachel laughed. "Listen to you, sounding all high school-ish." Then she got serious. "Is that where you want it to go? Are you serious about him?"

Haley poured herself another glass of wine as she pondered that. "Yeah, I am. I want to be. But you're right. I have a terrible history of making relationships work or picking the right guy. I've been disappointed so many times and I don't want this to be another one of those times. I keep thinking to myself that I'm competing with a ghost. How do I win in a situation where she's always going to be that high water mark, you know?"

Rachel sighed. "Martha, you're a catch. You're smart. You're talented as hell. You're gorgeous. You're fun and breezy."

"I can't be breezy anymore, Rach. Breezy's not getting me anywhere except motorcycle rides and some kisses."

"What kind of guy is he? Is he authentic? Straight up?"

Haley smiled. "Yeah. Actually he is. I don't think there's a superficial bone in Deacon's body. He's honest and direct, wears his heart on his sleeve. I've seen him with his daughters and he's a great dad. He says he's ready."

"Why don't you believe him?"

Haley breathed in. She had tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat. "I guess because I'm scared. Of her."

Rachel was quiet. Finally she said, "Martha, you have nothing to be scared of. Obviously I don't know him, but I think maybe you need to give him a little nudge." Haley sighed. "Do it," Rachel said.

Haley smiled. "Thanks, Rachel Erlene."

 **Deacon**

Deacon exited off Briley Parkway onto the Ashland City Highway. He was always struck by two things when he drove this way – one, that it got so rural so quickly, even the part that was technically Nashville, and two, that it was still this way after all these years. Not long after he passed the Cheatham County line, he turned onto the long, steep drive that led to the house on top of the ridge. The house overlooked the Cumberland River, which ran on the other side of the highway. He remembered that up there, you couldn't even see the highway.

Watty had lived out here for years and, as Deacon thought about his and Rayna's friend and mentor, he felt bad that he'd let so much time slip away since he'd seen the older man. He knew Watty had been at the house after Rayna's funeral, but he had closed himself off in the bedroom that day, seeing no one. He'd seen Watty since then, but not in many months.

Watty opened the front door before Deacon had walked across the lawn, and when he approached, the two men hugged. "How you doing, Deacon?" Watty asked.

Deacon knew what he was really asking. "Good," he said. "But it's part of why I wanted to talk to you."

Watty nodded. "Come on in." Deacon followed him through the house and out onto the patio with the view of the river in the distance. Watty gestured towards a covered table and they sat. He poured water from a pitcher for both of them. After he took a sip, he looked at Deacon. "So what's going on?" he asked.

Deacon breathed out. "You knew Rayna as well as anybody," he said. Watty had discovered Rayna all those years ago and had been her mentor. A father figure, when she had none. He remembered when she told him she'd found out Watty had had a decade-long affair with her mother, before her death. It had rocked her. She had pondered once, and only once, about whether the affair had actually extended back further, but then she'd dismissed it. After he'd found out about Maddie, he understood that need not to think she was repeating a past pattern, even one she'd not known about. He sighed. "I've started seeing someone." He went on to tell Watty about Haley and what he was feeling and his uncertainties.

Watty steepled his fingers over his mouth. "So you're wondering if Rayna would approve."

Deacon had to smile. Watty was always good at getting to the heart of things. "Yeah, I guess," he said.

Watty sat back. "I'll be honest with you, Deacon. There were times when I wondered about the wisdom of the two of you being together, you and Rayna. There were times I was afraid you'd go down and take her with you. She was always a strong lady, but there were times when she seemed beaten down. Those were the times I wished I'd never introduced the two of you."

Deacon looked down. "I never meant to do that to her," he said.

"I know. She knew it too. She loved you in spite of yourself, I think. She felt responsible for you. That was always her inclination, Deacon. To protect the people she loved. She did that with you. She did it with Maddie. She did it with everyone in her life who needed protecting. She had an unbelievable well of strength and I watched her will people to be strong themselves. I watched her do that with you." He smiled. "I thought it was good the two of you were apart for all those years. You needed that separation and she needed something else and _someone_ else to focus on. But she never stopped loving you. And she would not want you now to go off and bury yourself somewhere. If she couldn't be here for you, she would want you to find someone worthy of you who could step in. Not to take her place, but to take you the rest of the way."

Deacon breathed in. There was still a part of him that was afraid to let go. "I just don't want it to be like I'm pushing her aside."

Watty smiled knowingly. "I know you don't want to, but the reality is she's not here. I know you'll always have her in your heart, but she would want you to move on. She would not want you to waste another second wondering if it was the right thing to do." He chuckled a little. "In fact, if I were to guess, I think she'd be mad you waited this long. She wouldn't want you to be a martyr, Deacon. She would want you to live a full life, just like she'd want that for Maddie and Daphne." He leaned forward. "Do you think Haley is the right person?"

Deacon took a deep breath. "Yeah. I do."

Watty nodded. "Make sure you let her know."

 _A/N: Thanks for the reviews! And I think, after some wise counsel for both, Deacon and Haley are ready for a little breakthrough next chapter!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Haley**

When Haley woke up the next morning, she felt a new clarity around her situation with Deacon. It had helped to talk to Rachel and she was reminded of the words her sister had left her with. _You deserve to be happy and if this man is the one makes you happy, then you should let him. Trust him and trust yourself. Stop second guessing everything._ Rachel was right. Plus she was tired of waiting. She had meant it when she told Deacon he could take all the time he needed, but it was feeling a little bit like they were both just waiting for the other to make a move. So she decided maybe she needed to be the one to do that.

She fixed herself a cup of tea and sat down at her kitchen table. Then she sent a text to Deacon. _Dinner tonight at my house? I promise I'm a good cook!_ He didn't respond right away and eventually she went to take a shower and get dressed for the day.

* * *

She was sitting in her living room working on a song when her phone rang. She picked it up and smiled when she saw it was Deacon. "Hey," she said, with a smile.

"Hey. Um, I got your text." Then he laughed a little. "I was at a cake tasting."

"A what?"

"A cake tasting." He sighed. "Somehow Maddie talked me into going with her and Scarlett to this cake tasting."

She smiled. "Well, there are worse things to get roped into, I must say. Did you find one you liked?"

"We all liked something different. And Maddie picked what she wanted, in the end, so I'm not sure why me and Scarlett needed to be there. Anyway, yes."

"Yes?"

"To dinner. If the invite still stands."

She grinned. "Excellent! I make a mean shrimp scampi, if that sounds good to you."

"I don't think I ever had it, but yeah, sounds great."

"Seven then?"

"I'll see you at seven."

* * *

Haley drove slowly through the cemetery. She wondered about whether this was really the right thing to do. She had made a spur of the moment decision as she was on her way to the grocery store. She didn't know how Deacon would feel about it, if he knew, but she felt like she needed to do it for herself. She parked her car and got out, walking slowly to the grave of Rayna Jaymes. She stood awkwardly for a moment, looking at the grave marker. There was a small vase of daisies there, looking like they were on their last legs. She appreciated that there was a bench there and she sat down.

Several minutes passed before she said anything out loud. Finally she said, "This seems weird, but I guess I sort of wanted to introduce myself to you. My name is Haley McLaughlin and I've been seeing, uh, Deacon for a little while. He's a really wonderful man and I really like him a lot." She bit her lip. "In fact, I think I could fall in love with him. And I think maybe he could fall in love with me. Which is kind of the reason I'm here. I guess I'm hoping that you're okay with it. That you're okay with _me_. That you think I'm a worthy person to be in his life. I could never hope to replace you and that's not my intent, but I hope we can co-exist. I know you'll always be in his heart and I would never want to change that. But I do hope that maybe you'll give us your blessing."

She breathed in and out. "I'll do my best to make him happy. Love him the way he deserves and take care of him. So that you know you don't have to worry about him anymore. I never knew you, but you strike me as the kind of wife who would've wanted her husband to have another chance at love, who wouldn't have wanted him to be lonely."

There was a rustling in the trees from the light breeze and she looked up. She saw a cardinal sitting on one of the tree limbs. She thought back to a story her mom had told her once, about the significance of seeing cardinals. Haley had been very close to her grandmother and when she died, when Haley was twelve, her mom told her that whenever she saw a cardinal it meant her grandmother was near. _Cardinals appear when angels are near. It means she's looking out for you._ Haley smiled as she looked at the bird, wondering if it meant an angel was near her now.

* * *

Promptly at seven, there was a knock on her door. Haley smiled to herself, thinking she'd timed everything perfectly. The pasta had just finished and she had drained it. She had all the ingredients for the scampi, which she could put together in less than ten minutes, while she and Deacon chatted in the kitchen. She took a deep breath. She felt a little like a teenager. "Get a grip, Haley," she said to herself, shaking her head. She walked to the front door and opened it. For a second she felt like she couldn't breathe. He stood there with one hand on the back of his neck and the other on his waist. He was dressed casually, as always, but she found herself thinking, again, just how damn good looking he was.

She smiled. "Hey, there," she said. "Come on in."

 **Deacon**

He'd been afraid he was going to be late. Daphne had called about thirty minutes before he was supposed to leave the house. She had prattled on and on about how bored she was and that she was thinking of cutting her trip short. She wanted to hear about the cake tasting and then she mentioned she'd be home in time to go with Maddie to her dress fitting. She complained about the bridesmaid dress Maddie wanted her to wear. "I wish she'd just let us pick out our own dresses, you know?" she went on. "That's the 'thing' nowadays. Pick the color and let everyone pick something flattering. And _not_ bridesmaid-y."

He knew nothing about bridesmaids' dresses or what this 'thing' was that was apparently what Maddie should have done. He was completely out of his element on this wedding planning stuff. Not that he was supposed to be, but he had tried to pay more attention when Maddie talked about things, since she didn't have her mother to talk to about this. He sighed, feeling that sadness again that he felt when he realized the things Rayna was missing.

"So, it's just boring here. Dad and Katharine are both working and I don't think I can look at the skyline of Atlanta another minute," Daphne was saying. "Especially since there's wedding excitement."

Deacon forced himself back to the present. "Sweetie, it's your last summer in Atlanta and you're already not staying the whole summer. I think Teddy would be disappointed if you came home early."

Daphne sighed. "Maybe. But Maddie said you went to the cake tasting. So I missed out on that."

Deacon thought she sounded a little whiney and he chuckled. "It wouldn't have made no difference. She picked what she wanted anyway." He glanced at the clock on the stove and realized he needed to take a shower and change. "Look, baby, I gotta go."

"Why? You have plans?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I do." He knew it was silly, but he still found himself uncomfortable talking too much about his relationship with Haley. He still worried that, despite what they said, the girls might still be a little sad about him dating someone.

She perked up then. "With Haley? You have a date?" He could have sworn, if he could have seen her, that she was clapping her hands with glee.

He smirked. "Yeah. She's cooking dinner."

"What's she making?"

"Shrimp something. Listen, though, I gotta go. I still gotta get ready."

"I'm gonna wanna hear all about it," she said.

He shook his head. "No. Now, have a good night."

"Okay. Bye, Dad! Have fun!"

He smiled to himself as he disconnected. She was way too interested in his love life. Then he walked back to the bedroom to get in the shower.

* * *

Luckily traffic had been fairly light and he made it to Haley's right on time. He felt a little anxious. She was inviting him to her home and he found himself wondering if this was going to be a significant date. He'd been afraid to make the first move. He wasn't sure why, because he'd never had that problem in the past. It felt like a really big deal, though, the first time he would get intimate with someone who wasn't Rayna. It wasn't even like he and Rayna had been a couple for all the years they'd known each other. But it was the idea that, once they were together together, as Maddie had called it back then, he had thought it was forever. There had been that hiccup when Maddie got emancipated, but they'd figured it out.

Before he walked up to the door, he thought about that. It was supposed to be forever and always. He took a deep breath. It felt like he needed to at least set that feeling aside. He did believe Rayna would want him to take this next step. He opened the truck door and got out, walking up to the house.

He waited just a minute or two, after he knocked, before the door opened. Haley stood there, a smile on her face. He felt something at that moment that he hadn't felt in a while and he realized he was looking forward to this. "Hey, there," she said. "Come on in."

He smiled and walked in, pausing just a moment to give her a kiss. Then he lifted his nose and smelled the odors wafting from the kitchen. He looked at her. "Smells good," he said.

She took his arm and led him back towards the kitchen. "I thought we could eat first. I need to make the scampi, but that doesn't take long, so come back and keep me company."

He walked alongside her. "Scampi. That's what I couldn't remember," he said.

She looked up at him, raising her eyebrows. "You've never had it?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so. I couldn't remember what it was. Daphne asked me."

She smiled. "How's she doing in Atlanta?"

He leaned back against the counter next to the stove as Haley started prepping things in a skillet. "She wants to come home. Says she's bored." He shrugged. "But I think Teddy would get upset if she left early." He chuckled. "She says she wants to help Maddie, but I think she wants to check on me."

She looked up at him. "That's sweet that she worries about you."

He looked at the skillet. "So what's in this?" he asked.

"Olive oil, garlic, butter, lemon." She looked at him. "Some recipes use white wine, but I left that out." He gave her a small smile and she focused her attention back on the skillet. He appreciated her attention to that detail. "The butter and garlic are the main features anyway."

* * *

The meal was good. It had crossed his mind that Haley was a very good cook. Rayna had never been a great cook. She loved having a really nice kitchen, and she got better at cooking over time, but it was never a strong point for her. He couldn't imagine her making something like this shrimp whatever-it-was that Haley had made. And then he felt bad for thinking about Rayna. He wondered sometimes if he would ever stop thinking about her. He kept wondering if it meant he wasn't ready to move on after all or was it just a force of habit.

The company was great. Haley was interesting to talk to. She was smart and had a lot of interests she enjoyed talking about. They sat at the table for a long time, talking and laughing together. Later, he would think that, when they landed on the topic of publishing contracts, the conversation went in a direction he hadn't expected and had made him acknowledge again, in a different way, that he was moving on.

* * *

"So I'm moving from an exclusive agreement to a co-publishing agreement," she said. Then she grinned. "I feel like I'm finally a grown-up."

He smiled back at her. "That's a big deal, for sure. That exclusive sure kept us fed for a lotta years."

"I sort of felt like I was being a child about it, you know? It was nice to have a regular income. I think my parents felt better about me having a regular income. They were so afraid I was going to end up on the streets."

He nodded. "I made sure Maddie signed one of those. She's done good with performing, but it's good to have that back up."

She wrinkled her nose a little. "Do you ever regret giving up Highway 65?"

He shrugged. "Once in a while. People kept telling me it was Maddie and Daphne's legacy and I was selling their birthright or something. But I done better for them by selling it than keeping it." He thought back to right after Rayna died, when Tandy had told him he couldn't possibly run a label. That had turned out not to be true and he'd felt a sense of pride in that.

"It must have been pretty daunting though, to do something that big after being a musician all your life," she said. "That's a pretty big leap."

He shook his head. "It wasn't really the first time I done something like that. Run a business, I mean."

She looked surprised. "Really?"

He chuckled. "I actually owned a bar before that. If you can believe it."

"A bar? Wasn't that sort of….?"

He nodded. "Risky? Yeah." He looked down for a moment, then back at her, realizing he was going to share something with her that was significant. "I had a sponsor then, who owned this bar. Wasn't doing really well either." He took a deep breath and let it out. "After my sister died, I really needed something to focus on and I thought that was it. Rayna thought it was a bad idea. Turned out she was right. Kinda."

Haley frowned a little. "Bad idea, how?"

He breathed in, covering his mouth. When he breathed out, he leaned forward, crossing his arms and resting them on the table. "Running the business was something turned out I was good at. Coming up with a concept and getting it off the ground. We brought in lots of customers, had live music, we made money. Lots of money. But my partner, well, he turned out to not be a good guy." He sighed. "It was real complicated, but the end result was Maddie got emancipated from Rayna and then it nearly broke up our marriage." He sat back then.

Haley didn't say anything right away. Finally she said, "Wow, that seems like it really sucked."

He laughed a little. "That's probably an understatement. But, yeah." He nodded his head. "It pretty much sucked. But the thing was, I knew I could run a business. Maybe it wasn't the same or as big, but I knew I could do it. But what I figured out is, it was Rayna's dream, not mine. It wasn't that I couldn't do it or wouldn't want to do it. For her. But it was time, to move on, to let it go." He rubbed his thumb on the table and watched himself do it. "Just took me longer to let go of the rest."

He thought about how long it had taken him to get to where he was right that minute. It had been the hardest thing he'd ever done, letting go of Rayna. She had been the one who'd kept him afloat all those years and he finally felt like he was ready to let go. He was startled by Haley's hand on his arm. He hadn't realized she'd gotten up and was now standing next to him. She didn't say anything, just looked into his eyes. He took a deep breath and then he pushed up from the table and she took his hand.

 **Haley**

Haley was nervous as she walked back to her bedroom. She wasn't sure what to expect. She felt his hand tighten around hers and it made her breathe a little easier. When they got to her room and were standing by her bed, she turned and looked up at him. Even though the light was low in the room, she thought she caught a flash of nervousness in his expression, but then he leaned down and pressed his lips on hers. His hands slid up and down her arms slowly as he kissed her, at first just tasting her lips, but then he opened his mouth, as did she, and the kiss deepened. She moved her hands to his waist and just let herself enjoy the kiss. He held her closer and she could feel him hard against her stomach and, for a second, her knees felt weak.

She wanted to just lose herself in the moment, but found herself starting to wonder if she should make a move and, if so, what should it be. _Should I unbutton his shirt? Unbuckle his belt? Do something else?_ And then he let go of her lips and his fingers went to the buttons on her blouse and she smiled just a little, glad that the decision was taken out of her hands. She first watched as he slowly unbuttoned the first two buttons and then she looked up at him and his eyes found hers. He brushed her lips with another kiss, then finished the buttons. He pushed her blouse off and then seemed to hesitate, taking a deep breath.

She bit her lip and then she reached out and started working on his shirt. When she had pushed it off, she let her hands slide over his chest. She noticed the faded scar on his abdomen and pressed her palm against it. She looked up at him then. "You okay?" she said softly. He nodded wordlessly and then he moved her backwards until she sat on the edge of the bed. He knelt down and removed her boots, then leaned over her and pulled off her jeans and panties.

She could see him catch his breath and then he slid off his own jeans and boxers. She sat up and removed her bra and then she looked up at him. She could feel her breath hitch as she looked at him, seeing his desire for her, and she felt a growing warmth in her core. She pulled her legs up onto the bed and slid over. He got onto the bed next to her and then he took her in his arms. He put his hand on her neck, just under her jaw, and looked into her eyes. She saw a momentary flash of anxiousness, but then it was gone. He rubbed his thumb over her cheek gently and then, leaning in and closing his eyes, he kissed her.

She felt herself relax, even though she hadn't realized she was tense, and he seemed to do the same. Although there were no words spoken between them, they both seemed to want to get to know each other first, with hands and fingers and lips and touches and kisses. It felt like all her nerve endings were on fire. Waves of pleasure rolled over her and she could hear herself breathing hard. And just when she thought she couldn't wait any longer, he rolled her onto her back and pushed inside her and she closed her eyes and let out a low, satisfied moan.

 **Deacon**

He'd been afraid. Afraid to let go, afraid to move on. Afraid he'd never be over her, afraid he'd forget her. But there had been no reason to be afraid. Haley wasn't the same, she was different, and in her own way, she made him feel whole again. And as they lay together, in the aftermath, and he pushed her hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips, he smiled and said, "That was pretty amazing."

She smiled back and said, "Yes, it really was."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note**

I took a break but the break is over. Thanks.


	9. Chapter 9

**Deacon**

When his eyes opened, he tried not to move. He kept his breathing steady. It had been a long time since he'd been this close to a woman, since he'd been this _intimate_ with a woman, and he just wanted to let himself feel how good it was. The sun was starting to come through the curtains on the window. He closed his eyes and thought back on the night before.

 _The second time they made love, they rolled away from each other, breathing hard. He could feel the dampness on his skin and the pounding beat of his heart. He felt her hand next to his and he linked his fingers with hers. Then he laughed. "I ain't no teenager anymore," he said and he turned to look at her._

 _She looked over at him, a grin on her face. "That was a little bit crazy, wasn't it?" she said. She arched her back a little. "Wow." And then she laughed._

 _He rolled onto his side and raised his eyebrow. "I'm glad to know I can still do that," he said._

 _She moved to her side to face him, reaching up to trace his jaw with her index finger. "Yes, you definitely can still do that," she said, with a wink._

They had laughed together then. It felt good to laugh. Everything about the night before had felt good. Haley had been more…adventurous than he'd anticipated. That made him smile. He only hoped he'd be able to keep up with her. He opened his eyes again and realized that he didn't want this relationship to end and he hoped she felt the same.

"You awake?" Her voice startled him and he turned to see her smiling at him.

He grinned. "Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up."

She turned onto her side and propped herself up. "You didn't," she said. "I've been awake for a few minutes. I was trying not to wake _you_ up."

He laughed then. "Seems like we got more in common than we thought."

She reached out and trailed a finger down his chest. "I guess so." She breathed in. "You want some coffee?"

He rolled towards her and put his arm around her waist, leaning in close. "Maybe later," he said, and then he kissed her.

 **Haley**

She turned when she heard the footsteps entering her kitchen. She smiled. It had been a long time since a man had been in her house in the morning and she decided she liked having this one here. He looked like he'd combed his hair with his fingers and she almost laughed, but decided not to. She picked up the mugs and coffee and brought them over to the kitchen table.

He gave her a crooked grin. "You looked like you wanted to laugh there," he said. He put his hands on his shirt and looked down. "Am I buttoned wrong?"

She did laugh then. "No, you're buttoned fine." She winked. "You could have used my comb, if you'd wanted." She reached over and raked her fingers lightly through his hair. "You look fine for your walk of shame though."

He frowned. "Walk of shame?"

She sat and he followed suit. "It's when you go home after having spent the night out. In the clothes you wore the day before, of course."

He raised his eyebrows. "I see. Maybe you should be the one to do that next time." She didn't say anything and then he looked a little apologetic. "It would be okay," he said. She nodded. Just then his phone buzzed with a text. He looked down at it, then back at her. "I just got invited to come out for a writers' round tonight. You game?"

She smiled. "I'd love to." She watched as he responded to the text and then got a response.

He looked back up at her. "You've been invited too." He grinned. "At my request."

"Seriously?" He nodded. "Did you just set me up?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. But it's Liz Rose and I thought you'd be a good add." He set his phone down and picked up the coffee mug. "Did I go too far?"

She laughed. "No. I like Liz, so it's all good." His phone rang then. She raised her eyebrows. "You're pretty popular this morning." He just smiled as he answered the phone.

 **Deacon**

"Hey, Maddie," he said.

"Dad! Where are you?" Maddie cried.

He frowned. "Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm at your house. Where are you?"

He looked at Haley. "Out," he said. "What's going on?"

She made an exasperated noise. "I thought you were going to help me with this song."

He sat up straight. "I'm sorry," he said. "I forgot. Can you wait til I get back?"

She sighed. "Yeah. I don't have anything else going on this morning."

"Okay. I'll be there soon." He hung up and looked at Haley. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head and waved him off. "No worries." She smiled and shrugged. "Maybe next time you can bring a change of clothes."

He smiled. "That might be a good idea," he said. He liked the idea of there being a next time. He got up then and she did as well, following him to the front door. He took his keys out of his pocket and then turned back to her, pulling her in for a kiss. "I'll see you tonight then. Seven?"

"See you then." She held the door open as he walked out and was still standing there when he got in his truck and backed out of her driveway.

* * *

He walked into the house. "Maddie?" he called out.

"I'm in the music room!" she called back. He headed in that direction. When he walked in, she was sitting on the couch with her guitar, and she looked up at him. She made a face. "Why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?"

He felt a little awkward. "What makes you think I am?" he asked.

She laughed. "Well, because you are, for one thing. Oh, and your hair's a little messed up."

He frowned and smoothed his hand over his hair. "You ask too many questions," he said, gruffly. He started to walk around the couch, but she held up her hand.

"Why don't you go take a shower first?" she said. "I have all day." She winked.

He really wasn't at all sure how he felt about his daughters being so into his personal life. He figured it was because they were older and knew more, but it still felt strange.

* * *

When he came back into the music room, he found Maddie sitting there with Rayna's album 'Double Down' on her lap. He remembered it was the one she'd released the year Maddie was born. It had gone platinum, the first of her albums to do that. He remembered that Rayna had been proud of that album. She'd written most of the songs herself. The big hit from that album was 'This Love Ain't Big Enough', one of the f-off songs she'd written about him. He breathed in deeply. He wasn't a part of that album. The only one he wasn't a part of until 'The Parts I Remember'.

Maddie looked up. "Hey," she said, and he saw sadness in her eyes.

He walked around and sat on the couch next to her. He gently took the album from her hands. He turned it over, looking at the track list on the back. Then he looked at his daughter. "She was really proud of this album," he said.

She nodded. "You know, she told me I was her platinum baby." She smiled a little apologetically then. "Since it came out when I was born."

He smiled back. "I remember."

She sighed. "You weren't on this one though."

He shook his head, making a face. "Nah. She fired me. For good reason. Took off every song we wrote together that was gonna be on it." He breathed in. He could still remember the pain of that. He was in rehab and she had written him a letter, telling him she was reworking the album and that she was sorry it had to be that way.

"How did you feel when you found out she got married? And was pregnant?"

He looked at her and frowned. "We ain't never talked about this before?" Maddie had been nothing if not inquisitive when they'd started spending time together as father and daughter. And her questions had always been highly personal, as he recalled. She shook her head. He raised his eyebrows and then took a deep breath. "Well, it hurt. I guess I was hoping she'd wait until I got out of rehab, but then when I heard she was pregnant, I got it."

She nodded. "Did you ever think, back then, that you might be my dad?" she asked, her voice soft.

That was a hard question to answer. He shook his head. "Not really," he said. "I figured she'd tell me if I was. But you know she was already seeing Teddy then."

She nodded again and looked down at her lap. "You know, there's a lot of things I wish had been different." She looked up at him. "And I blamed her for all of that. Pushed her away." She sighed. "Part of the whole reason I took her to court was because she'd made all these decisions about my life, all the way back to deciding not to tell you you were my dad, and I didn't get any say in that. All these things that affected my life and that were hard to understand." She seemed to collapse on herself a little. "She told me once that she knew those decisions had hurt me and she was sorry for that, but it felt like it never stopped happening. And then, well, you know, it was too late. We couldn't talk about it or figure it out or fix any of it."

He slid over and put his arm around her. "You know she only wanted to take care of you," he said.

She nodded. "I do know that now. I just wish I'd had time to tell her I understood. Finally." Her face screwed up and she started to cry a little. "I still miss her, you know?" She looked at him. "Do you still miss her?"

He nodded. "I do. I think I always will." He wondered where this was leading.

She took a deep breath. "I'm glad you found someone like Haley, though," she said. She turned to look at him. "I wouldn't want you to be sad the rest of your life."

He smiled. "I ain't been sad, Maddie," he said. "I been too busy taking care of you and your sister to be too sad."

She smiled back. "You know what I mean." She put her hand over his. "I'm just glad. That's all."

He breathed in, feeling his emotions welling up. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"You really like her, don't you?"

He nodded. "I do." He looked down a moment, then back. It was important to him for Maddie to be okay with things. "I hope that's okay."

She made a face. "Why wouldn't it be? I like Haley. A lot."

He rubbed her hand. "I know you do. But it's a big change. Another one of those, for all of us. You know, I wasn't sure I could do this. I remember a time when, in fact, I knew that I could not. But, you know."

She nodded. "You figured out it was okay." She leaned in. "Mom would want you to do this. You know that too. And yeah, it's different, but not in a bad way." She smiled then. "Now, will you help me with this song? I am just so stuck."

He sat back and laughed. "Yes, I will absolutely help you with this song. Let me see what you got."

 **Haley**

Haley put her guitar in the back seat and then got in the car. Before she backed out of the driveway to head to a last second writing session, she scrolled through her phone contacts and dialed her sister. As she pulled out onto the road, Rachel answered.

"Martha!"

Haley smirked. "Hey, Rach. You got a minute?"

"Absolutely. What's up?"

Haley took a deep breath. "I took your advice."

"And? How was it?"

Haley smiled to herself. "Pretty amazing."

"So? What's next?"

"Well, we're doing a writer's round at the Bluebird tonight. And then I guess we'll see if he stays over again." She grinned. "Maybe this might become a regular thing."

"Oh, God, you slut!" Then there came a crash in the background. "Oh, shit, I need to go see what that was about."

"Okay, talk to you later." But Rachel had already disconnected. She smiled to herself as she kept driving. It _was_ pretty amazing and it _had_ felt really good, really right. She'd been afraid of a ghost, but instead she felt like she'd been given permission. She sighed. It just really felt good.

 **Deacon**

Deacon stood in front of his mirror and smoothed down his shirt, which didn't really need smoothing at all, he realized. It was just a writer's round, so a casual night. He let a small smile play over his face as he thought about how long it had been since he'd cared about how he looked. He shook his head, then went back in his closet and put a change of clothes and a toothbrush into an overnight bag. He smiled to himself and then walked down the stairs. He picked up his keys from the counter and then walked out to the garage. He opened the driver's side door and tossed the overnight bag in the back and then headed out to pick up Haley.

* * *

Haley opened the door to Deacon, standing on her porch. She smiled. "You ready?" he asked.

She nodded and said, "I am." She already had her purse on her shoulder and she leaned down to pick up her guitar. When she stepped out on the porch, he took the guitar from her and they headed out to his truck.

* * *

After the show, they headed to Acme Feed & Seed for a late, light supper. They shared nachos and ribs and dissected the writer's round. When they walked out of the restaurant, Haley pointed over towards the pedestrian bridge. "Want to walk along the bridge?" she asked. "I love the view of the city from there."

As soon as she suggested it, he felt a little lightheaded. In his mind there were flashes of other times he'd been on that bridge. Long walks with Rayna, standing in one of the observation areas and talking. It had been a place where they could talk without people being around, where she could talk about things she couldn't talk to anyone else about. They'd had fights on that bridge, little ones and big ones, but it always brought them back together. After one of the biggest fights they'd ever had, he tracked her down there and asked her to marry him. He didn't know quite what to say, but there was no way he could walk on that bridge with someone else. "No," he said, more gruffly than he meant to. Haley looked at him with confusion in her eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry."

He turned and headed back towards the restaurant and where they'd parked, walking briskly. He heard Haley's rapid steps as she tried to keep up with him, but he didn't stop for her. His eyes were brimming with tears and he couldn't even look at her. When they got to his truck, he opened the door for her. She looked at him, but he averted his eyes, and she got in without a word.

He felt bad that they'd driven back to her house in silence. That he'd walked her to her door, but had just given her a kiss on the cheek and told her he'd call her. She had not only looked confused, but hurt, but he couldn't find the words to explain himself. He practically ran back to his truck and drove away.

* * *

He sat in the chair in his bedroom, looking out into the dark night. It was the first time his life with Rayna had crossed over into this new life he was building with Haley. He hadn't known what to expect when it happened and he still found himself struggling with his response. It had been a while since he'd felt like he'd been hit over the head with grief. It didn't happen as often these days, but, when it did, it was no less gut-wrenching. He needed to explain himself, but he wasn't even sure what to say. He wanted to take those next steps with Haley and he didn't want his past with Rayna to hold him back, but this was one of those things that felt like an obstacle. It was a memory he didn't want to tarnish or to muddle.

He sat there long into the night trying to figure out how he was going to explain.

 **Haley**

Haley was surprised when she heard a knock on her door the next morning. She hadn't slept well, spending most of the night agonizing over how things had ended with Deacon. She had tortured herself with thoughts of what she should have said or how she should have handled things. It was obvious that something had drastically changed in just a few minutes and she wasn't sure what it was or why. She didn't know if she'd see him again or what to even do about it. So when she opened the door and saw him standing there, she was taken aback. "Hey," she said.

He gave her a small smile. "Hey. Can I come in?" She nodded mutely and stepped back, letting him come in. She closed the door behind her and then turned back to him. He took off his sunglasses and tucked them in his pocket. "We should probably talk," he said.

"Sure," she said, nodding. For a second she couldn't decide where they should do that, but then she started back to the kitchen. He gently grabbed her arm and she turned towards him. He leaned in and kissed her. Not a chaste little kiss on the lips, but a real kiss. That both confused her and gave her some hope. Then he followed her into the kitchen. "You want some coffee?" she asked.

He nodded. "Sounds good," he said, as he sat down. She poured him a mug and brought it over, then sat down next to him. She waited and finally he cleared his throat. "I didn't want to walk the bridge last night because, well, I kinda got a history there. For a lotta years that was one of the places Rayna and I would go to talk, back in the days when she was married to Teddy Conrad and I was just her bandleader. We had loved each other for a long time and when we weren't together, well, there was still something there. I think sometimes I was the only person she could really talk to, that she knew wouldn't judge her, someone she could always be honest with. And that was one of the places where we could do that. And then I asked her to marry me there." She wanted to say something, but then she decided she probably needed to let him get this out.

He breathed out. "So I know maybe it's silly to say I can't do that with you, but…I can't." He looked at her apologetically. "She's been gone almost six years. And it's been a long, hard six years. When she and me weren't together, that felt hard, but this is harder. I can't never talk to her again or see her or touch her." She heard the pain in his voice, understood that it probably wasn't easy for him to tell her this, letting her hear and see his grief. "You know, before we got married, I had liver cancer and I thought I was probably gonna die. At the very last possible moment, I got a liver transplant, or I'd have been the one who left her. And that felt as final as anything could feel. I can't even tell you how hard it hurt to think about leaving her forever and never seeing her or talking to her or just being with her anymore. But I got that transplant and I lived and we got married. And then _she_ died. And now, instead of _her_ facing all this, it's _me_ that's doing it." She reached over then and put her hand on his and he breathed in, closing his eyes for a second.

"I know she's gone. I know she ain't coming back. I know she would want me to find happiness, find love, with someone else. I woulda wanted her to do the same. Not to be lonely. But there will be some things I can't do with you and I hope you'll understand that. It ain't got nothing to do with you, but there's gonna be some things that just are…sacred, I guess. Where I just can't cross that line. I feel like I owe her that much." She saw a tremendous aching sorrow in his eyes then, something she really hadn't seen before, and it nearly took her breath away. "If that's too much to take on, I understand."

She squeezed his hand and then withdrew it. "I'm not sure exactly what to say," she said.

He leaned towards her a bit. "It's not like I don't want to see you anymore," he said. "I just, I don't know, I guess I just felt like I needed to explain. The bridge thing."

"I'm glad you did. And I do understand. I don't want to trip over the memories that are important to you. I've always wanted to be respectful of that." She smiled a little. "I've never loved anyone like that and, quite honestly, I'm kind of in awe that you have. And I'm sure Rayna would be touched to know that there are things about your relationship with her that you hold close like that." She took a deep breath. "We took this really slowly, so it gave me a lot of time to wrap my mind around all of this." She waved her hand in a circle. "I wanted you to be really sure you were ready." She smiled a little apologetically. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but I went to Rayna's grave one day, hoping maybe I'd get kind of a sense of how she might feel about all of this."

He raised his eyebrows. "You did?"

She nodded. "All I really felt was a sense of peace, so I kind of took that to mean it was okay." She reached for his hand and he gripped it firmly. "I'd really like to create _new_ memories with you. Things that are just for us."

He looked at her for a long moment, then pulled her out of her chair and into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she leaned in for a long kiss. Then he smiled at her. "I'm looking forward to that too," he said.

 **The end**


End file.
